Trip 1 - Day 25

Wednesday 15th November
The journey home

So, where was I. Oh yes, I am leaving my room at LK Metropole at just after 5 in the morning and I am gazing at the vision of Ann wearing nothing but a big white fluffy towel and a beautiful smile with her gorgeous silky hair around her shoulders and I really don't want to leave (I am stll working out if I can get access to money so that I can stay even longer). In fact I cannot move my legs until the door is closed and I can no longer see Ann. I had seen her so many times over the previous three weeks and just paid no real attention to her, but now? I don't want to be separated from her. "Shit!" I'm 'in lub' again!!!!


It's downstairs to reception where I pay for the taxi. "1500 baht sir. You no pay taxi any more. He pay highway" I tell them that I have a girlfriend staying in the room and she will leave by midday. "Is okay sir".

Five minutes later the taxi arrives and I set off on the departure from Pattaya. There are still people out on the streets just finishing the revelry from the previous night and I really want to join them for that last drink, but I really do have to go now.

Once we get on the highway, I doze on and off and cannot get the vision of Ann out of my head. (Maybe it's for the best that I am leaving now.). I awake with the sun up and the road signs indicating that we are close to the airport. It's about 6:45 now and I have time to spare. The driver asks if I want to stop somewhere before going to the airport, but I say it's okay I will just wait at the airport. My trip is all but completed now.

As we park up, the driver asks "You pay highway charge?" I say "No. Hotel say it is all included" "Okay" The driver unloads my case and takes it to the terminal entrance where there is a trolley. I then give him 100 baht tip as he has provided a good service. ( Mr. Samran Pumkaseam (Big) Tel 01-5889884).

I can find no signs as to where the Gulf Air check in desk is located so I have to walk all round the terminal. Sods law dictates that it is right at the end of the terminal, (The opposite end to the direction I initially set off in) but I am not concerned. I am in no rush at all. I pray that a Gulf Air representative will pull me to one side and ask me to volunteer to stay till the flight tomorrow as I was asked at Heathrow (I declined then as I was too excited to get to Pattaya), but no I am checked in all the way to Heathrow. I then pay my 500 baht Passenger Service Charge and head through to the departure lounge. I have a few baht left, so I buy some cigarettes for a friend at home and then I have a cup of coffee before making my way down to the departure gate.



Gate F6, you are the saddest sight I have seen for 25 days.



But wait, there is no plane at the gate. Maybe it's been cancelled and we will be forced to stay another day. No such luck; 30 minutes later the Airbus arrives at the gate ready to take me away from Thailand.



Then it's take off and I keep looking out of the window until I cannot see Thailand any more.









The trip is really over.

Trip 1 - Day 24

Tuesday 14th November

The last full day

Ah, "Good Morning. That was very nice!" As Riam goes off to shower, I am left in bed alone with my thoughts. This is it. The end of the trip. The last day. This time tomorrow I'll be on the plane to Muscat. I don't want to leave. What is there for me at home? Not a lot. Look at what I can have here....





Riam leaves saying that she going off running for a couple of hours now. This is the only girl that I've met in Pattaya that understands the use of legs as a means of propulsion. Everyone else looks shocked if you say that you've walked for anything for than about 100 yards.

I'm going to be back in January. It's only seven weeks away. I can survive.

Okay, let's get moving and get some stuff done. First thing to do is get some breakfast. I go to the Beefeater which is on this Soi, heading back towards 2nd Road. English breakfast and a pot of tea to get the day started.

Out of the other exit to the restaurant and straight in to the Internet cafe. It's more expensive than yesterday, but not too bad. I spend 1.5 hours on the board and send a PM to MM confirming that I will need to access the funds deposited with him for the party in January. Whilst I am online, I get a PM back saying that it will be no problem; I can collect the 12000 baht tonight. Great, I will be solvent yet again. I then get a bright idea! I will log on to Paypal and transfer additional funds to Martin in order that the party fund is maintained. What a good plan. (Duh!) I logon and try to pay $300 but of course the funds need to be transferred from my Bank first and the debit card has been cancelled so the request is refused. So next, I head off to Cherry Bar on Soi 8 to settle up last nights checkbin. When I get to the Bar, I am sweating profusely and I am given a free bottle of water. I ask if everyone is okay and Noi sort of shrugs.

Have I upset her by being with Riam? I don't know. I just don't know all the rules to the game that is being played out here. I settle my debt with the bar and I am now left with 65 baht in cash. That's it; nothing else left. So it's back to the hotel to have a nice hot soak in the bath and I do a bit of TR note writing. Then it's time to sort out what needs to be kept for the morning and what needs to be packed.

Next I write a note to Nok. I give my contact details and a personal note wishing her well for the future. I doubt that she will be in the FLB Bar tonight, but it would be nice to see her and at least say a proper goodbye.

It gets to 7 pm, so I leave the hotel for my last foray into Pattaya. Outside the hotel there are the motor scooter taxis, so I think "Why not?" Cost from the hotel to the junction of Soi 16 and Walking Street will be 50 baht. Okay, let's go. Bloody scary it was, but it was another 'first'.

I walk up to the exchange bureau, as I had also found £40 in sterling in a fleece which I hadn't worn since Heathrow. This gets me just under 2800 baht, so I don't feel financially naked now. Back to FLB and sign in on the whiteboard as being a 'last nighter'. Mamasan Tai greets me as I sit at the bar and asks if I am okay. I am fine I reply. She tells me that Ann will be along in about 5 minutes. That's okay, there's no rush. She also tells me that Nok is not at work again today. I give her the note that I had written and ask if she will pass it on to Nok when she returns. She says that she will do so.

Sparkydave is sitting with Yok, but he doesn't look too happy. He's not! He has had a load of paperwork from his work delivered to his hotel and he needs to spend most of the night working. He has just come out to let Yok know that she is 'free' tonight. He has given her a tip he says as the fault is his, not hers. Ann appears and she looks delicious in a lovely black dress.



I explain to Ann that as it is my last night, I need to go to Cherry Bar later for one hour to say goodbye to Hammer and some of the staff at the bar later. I will go at 9:30, so that would be a good time for her to go and eat. Mamasan Tai ensures that the message is fully understood.

We start playing the dice game at the bar, but tonight drinks are only going to be bought by me for the winner. Mamasan Tai then comes over to me and drapes a flower garland around my neck, gives me a hug and wishes me good luck and a safe journey home. Oh dear, I feel a highly emotional night coming up. Now that I am wearing the garland, I am a target for hugs and kisses from all the hostesses and service staff. I have been sticking to the orange juice tonight, but at 8:30 Mamasan buys me a Heineken and tells me to drink. Next thing I know, Joy has turned up at the bar, so we move away from the bar to the now familiar table opposite. Joy then presents me with a second flower garland. This is all feeling a bit strange now. I do not know if I am supposed to respond in any special way.

Joy also tells me that Nok has telephoned her to say that she has gone home for a few days as her father is not well (?).

MM arrives in the bar and checks that everything is okay and hands me the 12000 baht that I'd previously paid for the party in January. I feel a bit of a heel having paid for the party for Nok and now taking the funds back. I let him know that I will go ahead with the party on January 5 and I will send him funds via Paypal once I return to England.

It's now 9:15, so it's checkbin time for the first time in FLB tonight. A very sober 2370 baht this time with the drinks slip comprising 11 Orange Juices, 2 M-150's and a coffee. Mind you Tai had also had 3 Tequilas and Ann had finished off with 3 Chocolate Pussy's. I had also had a few bottles of Heineken that had been bought for me by Ricky, Martin & Mamasan Tai, so I wasn't exactly sober (Now isn't that a surprise?).

It's off on the baht bus for my last trip to Cherry Bar and Soi 8.



I feel a bit of a fool walking down the Soi alone and wearing the flower garlands. I am assured that I am a 'hansum' and 'sexy' man by many of the girls in the bars that I pass. But I am on a mission. I have to say my goodbyes and return to FLB. I do not intend to be too late getting back there. (A Plan that I stuck to - TaDa!)

As I climb the step up to the Bar, I am greeted very warmly by the staff and I'm led to a seat. I buy a round of drinks for the girls behind the bar and I am suddenly joined by Riam for a bit of special attention. I get the Heineken snog and as one hand grabs my crotch she grins wickedly at me and simply says "Good Morning". I laugh and say "Maybe January". Next thing I know, I am being lightly punched on the arm by someone. It's Pun.



She says that she was waiting at the bar on number 13 and I did not arrive. (The crazy dice game at FLB) I explain that I will return in January and am suddenly asked when. "My birthday" she squeals. I burst out laughing and just say "Oh yes?". (It seems that it's going to be everyone’s birthday when I return.). But she gets out her ID card and shows it to me. Bloody hell, it will be her birthday in January! (I have forgotten which date, but I have no doubt that I will be reminded). "When you come my birthday January, we boom boom no charge okay?" "We shall see". I buy her a drink. Well I guess I did stand her up last night and I have just been given a date for a 'free' shag, so it would be downright rude not to.

It's time to leave now, so it's checkbin and I then give Riam 2 1000 baht notes. 1 for her and I ask her to give one to Noi. This gets me a big hug and more "You have good luck and good journey. You good man" and she gets one of the other girls to go and find Noi (She's off eating somewhere apparently). When Noi appears, Riam hands her over the 1000 baht note in full view of the other girls and says something to her. Noi then comes over and wraps her arms round my neck, kisses me and also wishes me good luck. There is a big cheer from the other girls in the bar and I feel quite embarrassed now. I get up and go and shake the hand of Hammer. He has been a great host and has introduced me to some wonderful bars (with wonderful girls) and just been an all round 'nice guy'. He says that he is sorry about the theft incident and hopes that I won't blame the bar. I assure him that I won't be doing that and I should have been more careful. (It will be interesting to see if the gay guy does continue to work party nights at the Bar though. I shall keep an eye on the pictures from now on.)

So that's it. The last departure from Cherry Bar takes a while as I am forced (?) to give final goodbye kisses to Riam, Noi, Joy (Cherry) and a special quick snog with Nui. (My god (s)he really is very sexy!) (And a sly 100 baht tip for Nui; Shh it's a secret).

The walk to Beach Road seems longer than usual, but I am assured that I am still 'hansum' and 'sexy'. Maybe these garlands are just a badge that announces 'Many baht in pocket tonight. Willing to spend lots'. On to the baht bus and the now so familiar trip to Walking Street.



The place really seems to be buzzing tonight, but maybe it's just me. It's a really emotional night, and I shed a few tears as I walk down the middle of the road taking in the sights, sounds and smells of this truly unique city.







(Oops! – Sack that signwriter)

It's 11 o'clock as I enter the FLB for the very last time and I am a little bit sad. Ann gives me a hug and asks "You okay". "Yes I very happy, but I go home tomorrow”. I am led over to the table and it’s a pretty good view. I have my personal harem waiting for me.







Right, I have baht for the taxi and the exit tax safely stored in the hotel so what I have in my pocket is available for spending. I transfer 2000 baht to a back pocket for the tip for Ann in the morning and I still have several thousand baht, so it's drinks all round for the girls.

There is then a little ceremony that takes place with Joy cashing in all her ladydrink receipts and then handing over her green badge to Mamasan Tai as she’s quitting working at the bar tonight and is returning home until Kevin returns.

We continue drinking and laughing for a while longer and I even try and get Mamasan Tai back for a threesome as she is now wearing 'green badge'.





Not a chance of that though. I take a few photos around the bar.


(Da - If only she came fitted with a volume control!)


(The Band - It's an experience!)

Then it's the final checkbin of this whole crazy experience of a holiday. More hugs and kisses and promises to return and good luck wishes and it really is time to leave and Ann leads me off into the Pattaya night.







We get to the hotel and Ann goes to shower first. After 10 minutes she appears with her teeth chattering . She is absolutely frozen. (I do not understand why TGs always shower ‘cool’). I wrap her in big fluffy white towels and go to shower myself however I also turn on the hot water tap! When I walk into the room, Ann is still shivering, so I cuddle up to her and pull the second duvet over the two of us, turn the lights off and I fall sleep. (I know, I know.)

After an hour, I awake though because two duvets on the bed is far too much to be comfortable. Ann is asleep, but I cannot resist stroking her soft skin and silky hair. She wakes up and kisses me. A bomb going of in the room next door would not move me from my position right now.

After I have 'finit’, we just cuddle up and then the phone rings. No, this cannot be happening, it can't be time to leave. I answer the call and hear the terrible news that it is 04:45 and this is my alarm call. NOOOOO!, I don't want to go home! I want to stay here just like this forever! I cannot though, so I get up, SSS and pack the last of my bits into my case. I tell Ann that there is shampoo and stuff in the bathroom that she can take if it's of any use and she just smiles. 05:00 is more a 'go to bed time' than a 'get up time' for these TGs I guess. She looks half awake and is sitting up in bed with a duvet wrapped round her and I just want to get back into that bed now. Another hug is in order though, but I realise that I have to move now or it'll never happen. I close the case, zip up the rucksack and turn to say goodbye. Ann is out of bed with just a towel wrapped around her (They all look so sexy like that don't they?) and I have to stop for another kiss. I really do have to go now. I open the room door and step out into the corridor. A final look back at Ann standing in the doorway wearing nothing but that towel and I want to stay. I give her a final peck on the cheek and tell her to close the door and go back to sleep. She does not need to leave until midday and I will let reception know that she is still there. The door closes, my legs can now move again.

This report technically went over into Day 25, but in Pattaya, 05:00 doesn't really exist so I have treated it as 29:00 on Day 24.

For you newbies who haven't yet been to Pattaya, time is nothing but the passing of the hands round a clock face. It has very little meaning or use here whatsoever.

Oh Pattaya, you are now my mistress I fear. I shouldn't have fallen for you, but I could not help myself. You will be the cause of much heartache for me from now on I predict, yet I go willingly on the journey as a lamb being led to the slaughter. I love you so 'velly mut'!

That's all folks.

There will be a final trip to the airport, getting on the plane, bursting out crying and thoughts on the trip, but it's just a final roundup.

Maybe I had a doppelganger and he was doing all the stupid stuff?

Nah, it was me !!!!!

Trip 1 - Day 23

Monday 13th November
And then there was 1

The phone is ringing. It's reception and they want to know if I'm checking out. "Er, yes I am" It's 11:30, and I need to get out of this place, so no time for any fun this morning. A quick shower and it's time to settle up with Riam. I really must get into the habit of getting this shit sorted out in advance. I don't know what to pay, so I give her 3000 baht for the two nights. "Okay?" "I go man 2000 baht; honest". I really cannot complain. I didn't pay her the first night because I'd had my wallet stolen and she had really given it her all to get some performance out of me. I gave her an additional 1000 baht and then realised she'd been with me 2 days, so I just blurted out "You want to stay at 'nice hotel' tonight?" and get back a straightforward "I stay with you tonight. Okay"

She disappears off and I pack up all the stuff in the room. There is a bag of Noks clothes here and a whole selection of her creams and stuff. I bag it all up and I will take it down to FLB tonight. Checkout consists of a 15 baht charge for the phone call that I'd made to the dentist.

I stupidly decide to walk from the Twin Palms to LK Metropole and it's further than I thought, but I get there eventually. I check in and go to have a shower straight away. Then it's time to go and eat. I turn left out of the hotel and there is a whole new area of Pattaya that I haven't seen before. This is Soi Buakhao north of the market area. I find an English Pub Restaurant called The Butchers Arms and have the Full English with a pot of tea. Lovely!

I still have some time before I need to get to the hospital, so I find a dingy Internet cafe where they are advertising 512Kb ADSL at 40 baht an hour. This is the cheapest that I have found and the benefit is that at that speed, I can check out the forums and check on pics quite easily. (Guys a golden rule here - Sign out whenever you finish accessing any service that requires you to log in)

I spend 40 minutes or so getting up to date with the goings on of other BMs and then it's time to go to the dentist. I pop a couple of the Vallium and get a taxi bus for 100 baht. At the hospital, I go up to the first floor and turn to go into the clinic when I realise that it is closed. There are workmen inside pulling up the floor. Oh shit, what is going on?

A girl comes up to me and tells me "Clinic now in new building across road." I have no idea where this new building is and I obviously look confused because she then says "I take you to clinic. You have appointment?" I give her my appointment card and she says "I speak you yesterday. I sorry your money stolen". My reputation for idiocy goes before me everywhere in this city.

The new building is about 50 feet away from this building and I am taken to the clinic and fifteen minutes later I am sitting in the chair ready to undergo the next round of treatment. Today it is 7 small fillings and holes being repaired. I ask how much it will be and am shown a calculator with 5250 on it. "Is okay" I say and settle back in the chair.

All the work is done at a gentle pace and I am completely at ease. Thanks Dr. Watchawong, I will be back in January for more work. It's all part of the process to make me a really 'hansum man'.

I get a taxi from the hospital to LK Metropole, but the cab driver doesn't even understand the Thai instructions on the hotel card, so he ends up dropping me off somewhere in the LK complex. As I get out of the cab, I realise that I am standing directly underneath a sign that says LK Metropole - 800m. (I really wish that I had a camera then.)

So I know that it's a half mile walk to the hotel and I know which direction, so as I've got plenty of time, I stroll down the road. I go past a pawn shop and then stop and wonder if that would be a good place to get a cheap camera. I find that they have 4 or 5 different cameras for sale. The first one that I look at, they cannot get to work, so I am not going to risk that. Next, I look at a Samsung Digimax A40. 4 MP and it looks okay. I am not a great photographer, but I do want to get lots of snaps to remember this holiday, so I test the camera and it seems to work. They are asking 3900 baht which is perfectly acceptable to me, but there is only 128Mb memory card installed. As I will not have an opportunity to download until I get home, I do not want to find myself out of space. I ask for "bigger memory" and the chap behind the counter rummages around and finds a 512Mb card. I put this in the camera and it works, so we are getting there. Next I get two rechargeable batteries thrown in and a carrying case and amazingly I find the manual in a pile of books on the end of the counter. How much I ask pointing at a pile of bits.

"4500 baht"
"No way. Too much. I give you 4250"
"4400 baht"
"No 4250 baht" And I count out 4250 baht onto the counter
"Okay"

I now have a camera again.

Back to the hotel for a hot soak in the bath before getting ready for an early start to the night. Only two nights left now and Riam is on for tonight and it might even be a threesome with Pun if her promise from two nights ago about being free on number 13 was followed through. It could be interesting.

At 7:00, I set off from the hotel and walk down to Beach Road to get a baht bus. This is the furthest I've been away from the baht bus run and it's a bit of a pain. Crossing 2nd Road can also be an experience in itself. A good T-shirt logo would be "I crossed 2nd Road Pattaya and survived" (Maybe I'll have one printed up in January)

I look rather fetching carrying my little shopping bag with pink hearts printed all over it. The bag contains bras, pants, shoes and various lotions and potions that all belong to Nok. I will take them to FLB tonight and if she's not there, I will give the bag to someone I know to pass on to her.

l get to FLB at about 7:30 and it's fairly quiet. I sit at the bar with Sparkydave and I have a Heineken. He is on the coffee, so we look like a real pair of hardened drinkers (not). We spend the next 20 minutes chatting about nothing in particular and he has nothing specific planned for tonight other than ending up at Cherry Bar as it's close to his hotel.

So it's 7:30 or thereabouts, we are both sober and we make a plan for the night. (Duh! DON'T MAKE PLANS) The plan is to have another hour at FLB, then head over to Lennie's (still on my to-do list)
for an hour and then on to Cherry bar for about 10. It's a simple plan. It's a good plan. It's a plan! Plans in Pattaya are guaranteed to fail and this one was no different.

Nok has not turned up for work and I am not really surprised, but I recognise Ann and I know that she gets on well with Nok. I ask her if she can put the bag in the Staff Room for Nok. No problem, she disappears off and then returns to the bar and sits next to me. I offer her a drink and she has one of those wine cooler ladydrinks (Spy). Next, out comes the dice game. This brings Yok to Sparkydaves side and the four of us take turns trying to win this simple but bloody infuriating game.

I finally win one and on my very next go, I win again. I think you should buy a round of drinks for that says Dave. Okay say I. I already have a fresh Heineken in front of me, so I get Dave another coffee and its Tequilas for Ann, Yok and Mamasan Tai who has been joining in the dice game when she is free. We continue playing and I think Yok is the next winner so Dave buys a round of drinks. We are now effectively two teams of two with Mamasan Tai and Mouulie joining in whenever they can. The next to win is me again. Mamasan Tai buys me a Heineken and I buy a round of Jagermeister for the girls. This is getting silly. The rules are as follows:

If Dave or Yok win, Dave buys a round of drinks (Girls drinks to be shooters); If George or Ann win, Mamasan Tai buys George a Heineken (I can't remember how Dave got drinks) and George buys a round of shooters. If a Mamasan wins then the round of shooters is alternately paid for by George and Dave. This got completely out of order really quickly and at one point each girl had 3 shooters lined up in front of her. There were trays crashing on the floor around us, squeals every time anybody won and general fun. A visit to Lennie's was scratched from the plan. Modification 1; we stay at FLB until 10 and then go to Cherry Bar. It's still a bloody plan and as I hope everyone knows by now ...... Yes, you've got it ,,,,,,,,, DON'T MAKE PLANS! Ann & Yok are both getting pretty smashed now and at this point I pay barfine for Ann for the next night (my last in Pattaya this trip). With hindsight, I suppose it was inevitable. I had seen this girl on numerous occasions during this trip (including one morning when she was sitting at the RG having breakfast with the previous nights customer) and she had been involved in our group nearly every night, but I had never really noticed her. (Martin, it is little things like this that make your bar such a special place. Ann had spent many hours in our company over three weeks and I cannot remember her ever asking for a drink or being pushy to any of the guys. I am sure that we included her in the rounds though as we enjoyed being generous to the girls, so hopefully we were not considered to be Cheap Charlies by her. The FLB is promoted as being hassle free and by and large we found that to really be the case.)

Anyhow, back to the dice game, we are still going strong and my checkbin is going mental. By 11:30, we say that we really have to go as we are both late for appointments at the Cherry Bar (Very late). My Checkbin is unbelievable. I have summarised it here for you to give an indication of what these girls can consume. Don't forget that Dave also had a large bill (I think his was about 4500 baht)

A few pics from my new camera of a plan going to ratshit







What Qty Item Price Total

Me
Heineken 3 95 285

Dave
Coffee 1 70 70

Ann
Spy 4 95 380
Tequila 4 100 400
Jagermeister 2 100 200
Blow Job 1 100 100
B52 2 100 200
Soda 2 95 190
Mad Melon 2 100 200
Fuck Me 1 100 100
Bar Fine 1 400 400

Yok
Tequila 1 100 100
J'meister 2 100 200
Blow Job 1 100 100
Ch Pussy 3 100 300
Kamikaze 1 100 100
Mad Melon 2 100 200
B52 1 100 100
Fuck Me 1 100 100

Girl 10(?)
Chawave 1 95 95
B52 1 100 100
Fuck Me 1 100 100
Mad Melon 1 100 100

Tai
Tequila 1 100 100
J'meister 3 100 300
Blow Job 1 100 100
Kamikaze 1 100 100
Mad Melon 2 100 200
Green Tea 1 95 95
Cranberry 1 95 95
B52 1 100 100
Fuck Me 1 100 100

Mouli
J'meister 3 100 300
Kamikaze 1 100 100
Mad Melon 2 100 200
B52 1 100 100
Fuck Me 1 100 100

Grand Total 6110 baht

So I had spent 6110 baht and I had drunk 3 Heinekens out of this total. Oh and I can claim that the Bar Fine is for personal 'consumption' as well. We were not 'Cheap Charlies’ this night.

I have no idea of the number of Heineken that I have consumed tonight because they were coming off Mamasan Tai's account. It was one weird bloody night so far. This was supposed to be the quiet part of the night. What was going to happen later?

We get the baht bus up to Soi 8 and make our way down to Cherry Bar. It's nearly midnight now, but that's still early evening for this place. So tonight I am going to get pissed with ...... Ah, let's see; that'll be Riam & Nui then tonight.

Ho hum.



The one thing that can be said for the Cherry Bar is that there is always a lot of merriment. The girls (and Nui) really put their heart and soul into it and it's infectious. How can anyone be miserable when the staff is so obviously 'going for it'?





And does this confuse a normal red blooded male?



I have no idea what time it was when we finally left the bar, but I do remember taking Riam in completely the wrong direction when trying to find my way to my new home. When she'd worked out where we were and where we needed to be, she decided that we were not walking any further. She grabbed a scooter taxi and we went back to the hotel three up on a Honda Wave going south on 2nd Road at something like 3 in the morning. Oh yeah, because of the extravagance of the drinking at the FLB, I had run out of money again and didn't hadn’t taken out enough to pay my checkbin (Same same ). I had about 2000 baht and the bill was around 3500 baht. A return to the bar required in the morning.

Again, it's a case of getting some sleep before even considering anything else.

South on 2nd Road three up on a Honda Wave with no crash helmet and I live to tell the tale

Trip 1 - Day 22

Sunday 12th November
The hunt for cash & Kevins last night

It's Sunday morning. Oh what a night. Who's this? Oh yeah the smiling one from the Cherry Bar. (At this point in time I really did not know her name, I was only able to assume it started with the letter R because of the necklace that she was wearing. How rude of me considering what I've done and am about to do again)

As she dresses, I let her know that I'll be along to the Bar later to pay last nights checkbin and barfine and check that she is okay to be BF'd again tonight. "Yes, is okay".

She leaves around 11:15 and I phone Kevins room. He asks if I had a good night, as I had looked pretty out of it when he'd seen me the night before. "Oh yes! I had a great night. I got totally shitfaced, I barfined the bird that does the arm wrestling and Thai boxing and she is coming back tonight as well. Any idea what her name is? No? Oh well. Went to a club where she danced for me and I have had a great morning so far. Oh yeah and I had my wallet stolen along with my phone and your camera"

After SSS, it's down to reception to meet Kevin & Joy. We go off for breakfast and I'm asked for more detail about the previous night. I explain that Riam told me this morning that some of the girls actually saw the gay guy put the telephone and camera into his pockets, but I guess that they are not my guardian angels and he is a Thai bloke, so they didn't say anything. (Guys, beware! - The only person that will keep an eye out for your stuff is you!) (I shall let Hammer know of course, but I guess everything has been pawned by now and the chances of getting anything back is remote) Anyhow, I've had an evenings drinking, a Barfine and a bird all on tick (What a city!)

Kevin says that the money shouldn't be a big problem; he'll get some out of the bank or draw some on his Barclaycard so that I'll have enough to last the next few days. We check the telephone number for Barclaycard on the back of his card and I use his mobile to get in touch and report my card as stolen. (Why is the number on the card? If it's stolen, you can't look up the number!) I eventually get through after the "Your call is important to us .... Please hold the line". If I am that bloody important, why do you leave me hanging on the line for 15 minutes phoning from Thailand on someone else's mobile phone? (What a bunch of wankers!)

Anyhow, I get the card cancelled and then ask how I go about getting some money transferred out to me urgently. I have 30 baht to my name. I owe about 3500 checkbin to the Cherry Bar, 200 baht for barfine to the Cherry Bar, Between 1500 - 2000 to Riam for tip, I have to pay for my second night accommodation at LK Metropole of 2500 baht, I need to get a taxi to the airport which will be 1200 - 1500 baht and I need the exit fee of 500 baht. In addition, I need to eat, drink and play for the next three nights. So that is 7700 baht plus money for three days that will be another 20000 baht or so if I take things it a bit steadier than I have so far. So I need to get around 30000 baht in total. Barclays tell me that the Customer Services department would not be open until 07:00 GMT which is 14:00 Pattaya time.

We travel up to Big C to find a Bank where Kevin can draw some money to lend to me, but they are a just some sort of regional bank and do not offer this service. Apparently you just go to one of the change places that shows the Visa sign and they can do it. When he tries to do this, he is refused because the bank has declined the transaction. He gets on the phone to Abbey and they are shut until 07:00 GMT . Same same!

We go and sit in a bar on Beach Road (Big Ben) and have a couple of soft drinks until 14:00 comes around. I phone Barclays and get put through to some guy in a call centre in India. As it takes him three attempts to get my name spelt correctly, I have a horrible feeling that this is not going to provide any solution. He asks where I am and when I tell him Pattaya, Thailand he tells me to hold. He asks if I am in the Pattaya hotel in Bangkok. I explain that I am in a resort called Pattaya which is a one and a half hour drive from Bangkok. He puts me on hold again and when he returns he tells me that Barclays have no branches in Thailand. I tell him that I do not care about that, I just want to get some money transferred from my account so that I can live for the next few days. "We cannot help" he says. He advises me to contact a friend in the UK and get them to send money over by Western Union. The only person that I can think of that has money and that I know the number of is my ex wife. You can just picture the conversation…

"Hi, I'm in a bit of fix, my wallet has been stolen and I need someone to send me some money in order that I can pay for my mongering holiday in Pattaya. Can you help? No? Okay; not to worry; I'm sorry to have troubled you early on a Sunday morning. By the way, how are the kids?" I don't think so.

Kevin then contacts Abbey and his card has been put on hold by the fraud team as he had told them he was returning on the 6th. They lift the block and this allows him to draw 20000 baht. He does the same on Barclaycard and checks how much he needs for his last night. A top up of 5000 will do him, so he lends me a total of 35000 baht (I already owe him 20000 baht as well for my half of the hotel bill at the RG). I am solvent again and can afford to pay for Riam tonight as well now

We go back to the hotel and I telephone the dental clinic to apologise for missing my appointment. Based on what I paid on my last visit, I estimate the fillings are going to cost another 6500 baht, so I decide to reschedule and if necessary have a couple of really quiet nights (Yeah right - What a stupid fucking plan that one is).

Kevin rings my room and says that I'd better come down to his room and copy all the pictures from his laptop onto my MP4 player otherwise it will be months before I can get access to them all. Now that IS important, so I go down to his room and get this extremely important task done.

It has gone 4 by now and we both wonder what time the laundry gets delivered back. Kev telephones reception to ask. He then puts the phone down and starts laughing out loud. "When do you reckon?" he asks me. "Soon?" I respond. "Yep!" This place can be so predictable at times.

I go back to my room to SSS and by 5:30 we are ready to hit the town one last time. As we get to reception, the laundry arrives. So we both pay our bills for that and take it back to our rooms. I have a quick change, so that I am 'hansum man' again tonight. It's off on the baht bus to Walking Street and after the usual Kilkenny's meal it's into the FLB Bar for the last time this trip for Kevin.



When Martin arrives, he asks about our day and he seems to be surprised that I appear to have gone completely 'off the rails', but I just laugh it off and tell him that it was 'one of those things' After it had happened, there was nothing I could do and it was my own fault in the first place. He reminds me that he is still holding 12000 baht for the party on January 5 and if I need any additional money, there is no problem with returning that to me. I thank him for the offer and let him know that I'll be in touch if it's required.

We move over to a table and start our last communal checkbin, but hey what is going on? We are already at 7000 baht and we've only had two drinks each. Kevin has paid BF for Joy for the next 17 nights which takes her to the end of the month. She is stopping working and is to return to her home until January when Kevin is going to rent himself a condo for 6 months and she will be able to live there rent free. (This from the guy that had been giving me constant grief about getting too attached.) I let him know that I may be a mate, but I am not springing for half that checkbin! He just laughs and says "It's okay George, this one is all mine" (Does he mean the checkbin?; Joy?; or both?)

I leave the love birds in FLB and head off to Cherry Bar to pay for last nights entertainment. The checkbin is just over 3000 baht, so I settle up and start tonights bin. In goes the BF slip for two nights, so it's another session with Riam tonight. Kev & Joy turned up at some point, but I was too engrossed with Riam to pay much attention. I told Hammer what I had been told about the barman and left it with him to see if anything could be salvaged. I explained that the wallet wasn't important, except for the UK sim card that was in it. The camera did not really matter either, but the telephone had a load of numbers stored on it that I didn't have backed up anywhere (This included Noks number). He said that he'd see what he could do.

Kevin then announces that he's off to the hotel for an early night and he'll see me in January. I tell him to give me a call and I'll see him away from the hotel in the morning. He says he will do that (He doesn't of course; the departure was a tad emotional I believe and it was private between him and Joy.)

If you see the guy on the right of this picture, give him a kiss from me, but if you see the guy on the left of this picture, be very careful and keep an eye on all your property. I cannot prove that it was him that stole my stuff, but why would two BGs from Cherry Bar both say that they saw him put my phone and camera in his pocket if it wasn't true.



Anyhow onto more pleasant matters. I had a great drinking and snogging session with Riam and she walked me back to my hotel. I know that I'm too drunk, but do manage a ‘quickie’ when I awake in the middle of the night. She really is good fun!









Another emotional night in the adults playground city of Pattaya - Aren't they all?