And then there was 1
The phone is ringing. It's reception and they want to know if I'm checking out. "Er, yes I am" It's 11:30, and I need to get out of this place, so no time for any fun this morning. A quick shower and it's time to settle up with Riam. I really must get into the habit of getting this shit sorted out in advance. I don't know what to pay, so I give her 3000 baht for the two nights. "Okay?" "I go man 2000 baht; honest". I really cannot complain. I didn't pay her the first night because I'd had my wallet stolen and she had really given it her all to get some performance out of me. I gave her an additional 1000 baht and then realised she'd been with me 2 days, so I just blurted out "You want to stay at 'nice hotel' tonight?" and get back a straightforward "I stay with you tonight. Okay"
She disappears off and I pack up all the stuff in the room. There is a bag of Noks clothes here and a whole selection of her creams and stuff. I bag it all up and I will take it down to FLB tonight. Checkout consists of a 15 baht charge for the phone call that I'd made to the dentist.
I stupidly decide to walk from the Twin Palms to LK Metropole and it's further than I thought, but I get there eventually. I check in and go to have a shower straight away. Then it's time to go and eat. I turn left out of the hotel and there is a whole new area of Pattaya that I haven't seen before. This is Soi Buakhao north of the market area. I find an English Pub Restaurant called The Butchers Arms and have the Full English with a pot of tea. Lovely!
I still have some time before I need to get to the hospital, so I find a dingy Internet cafe where they are advertising 512Kb ADSL at 40 baht an hour. This is the cheapest that I have found and the benefit is that at that speed, I can check out the forums and check on pics quite easily. (Guys a golden rule here - Sign out whenever you finish accessing any service that requires you to log in)
I spend 40 minutes or so getting up to date with the goings on of other BMs and then it's time to go to the dentist. I pop a couple of the Vallium and get a taxi bus for 100 baht. At the hospital, I go up to the first floor and turn to go into the clinic when I realise that it is closed. There are workmen inside pulling up the floor. Oh shit, what is going on?
A girl comes up to me and tells me "Clinic now in new building across road." I have no idea where this new building is and I obviously look confused because she then says "I take you to clinic. You have appointment?" I give her my appointment card and she says "I speak you yesterday. I sorry your money stolen". My reputation for idiocy goes before me everywhere in this city.
The new building is about 50 feet away from this building and I am taken to the clinic and fifteen minutes later I am sitting in the chair ready to undergo the next round of treatment. Today it is 7 small fillings and holes being repaired. I ask how much it will be and am shown a calculator with 5250 on it. "Is okay" I say and settle back in the chair.
All the work is done at a gentle pace and I am completely at ease. Thanks Dr. Watchawong, I will be back in January for more work. It's all part of the process to make me a really 'hansum man'.
I get a taxi from the hospital to LK Metropole, but the cab driver doesn't even understand the Thai instructions on the hotel card, so he ends up dropping me off somewhere in the LK complex. As I get out of the cab, I realise that I am standing directly underneath a sign that says LK Metropole - 800m. (I really wish that I had a camera then.)
So I know that it's a half mile walk to the hotel and I know which direction, so as I've got plenty of time, I stroll down the road. I go past a pawn shop and then stop and wonder if that would be a good place to get a cheap camera. I find that they have 4 or 5 different cameras for sale. The first one that I look at, they cannot get to work, so I am not going to risk that. Next, I look at a Samsung Digimax A40. 4 MP and it looks okay. I am not a great photographer, but I do want to get lots of snaps to remember this holiday, so I test the camera and it seems to work. They are asking 3900 baht which is perfectly acceptable to me, but there is only 128Mb memory card installed. As I will not have an opportunity to download until I get home, I do not want to find myself out of space. I ask for "bigger memory" and the chap behind the counter rummages around and finds a 512Mb card. I put this in the camera and it works, so we are getting there. Next I get two rechargeable batteries thrown in and a carrying case and amazingly I find the manual in a pile of books on the end of the counter. How much I ask pointing at a pile of bits.
"4500 baht"
"No way. Too much. I give you 4250"
"4400 baht"
"No 4250 baht" And I count out 4250 baht onto the counter
"Okay"
I now have a camera again.
Back to the hotel for a hot soak in the bath before getting ready for an early start to the night. Only two nights left now and Riam is on for tonight and it might even be a threesome with Pun if her promise from two nights ago about being free on number 13 was followed through. It could be interesting.
At 7:00, I set off from the hotel and walk down to Beach Road to get a baht bus. This is the furthest I've been away from the baht bus run and it's a bit of a pain. Crossing 2nd Road can also be an experience in itself. A good T-shirt logo would be "I crossed 2nd Road Pattaya and survived" (Maybe I'll have one printed up in January)
I look rather fetching carrying my little shopping bag with pink hearts printed all over it. The bag contains bras, pants, shoes and various lotions and potions that all belong to Nok. I will take them to FLB tonight and if she's not there, I will give the bag to someone I know to pass on to her.
l get to FLB at about 7:30 and it's fairly quiet. I sit at the bar with Sparkydave and I have a Heineken. He is on the coffee, so we look like a real pair of hardened drinkers (not). We spend the next 20 minutes chatting about nothing in particular and he has nothing specific planned for tonight other than ending up at Cherry Bar as it's close to his hotel.
So it's 7:30 or thereabouts, we are both sober and we make a plan for the night. (Duh! DON'T MAKE PLANS) The plan is to have another hour at FLB, then head over to Lennie's (still on my to-do list)
for an hour and then on to Cherry bar for about 10. It's a simple plan. It's a good plan. It's a plan! Plans in Pattaya are guaranteed to fail and this one was no different.
Nok has not turned up for work and I am not really surprised, but I recognise Ann and I know that she gets on well with Nok. I ask her if she can put the bag in the Staff Room for Nok. No problem, she disappears off and then returns to the bar and sits next to me. I offer her a drink and she has one of those wine cooler ladydrinks (Spy). Next, out comes the dice game. This brings Yok to Sparkydaves side and the four of us take turns trying to win this simple but bloody infuriating game.
I finally win one and on my very next go, I win again. I think you should buy a round of drinks for that says Dave. Okay say I. I already have a fresh Heineken in front of me, so I get Dave another coffee and its Tequilas for Ann, Yok and Mamasan Tai who has been joining in the dice game when she is free. We continue playing and I think Yok is the next winner so Dave buys a round of drinks. We are now effectively two teams of two with Mamasan Tai and Mouulie joining in whenever they can. The next to win is me again. Mamasan Tai buys me a Heineken and I buy a round of Jagermeister for the girls. This is getting silly. The rules are as follows:
If Dave or Yok win, Dave buys a round of drinks (Girls drinks to be shooters); If George or Ann win, Mamasan Tai buys George a Heineken (I can't remember how Dave got drinks) and George buys a round of shooters. If a Mamasan wins then the round of shooters is alternately paid for by George and Dave. This got completely out of order really quickly and at one point each girl had 3 shooters lined up in front of her. There were trays crashing on the floor around us, squeals every time anybody won and general fun. A visit to Lennie's was scratched from the plan. Modification 1; we stay at FLB until 10 and then go to Cherry Bar. It's still a bloody plan and as I hope everyone knows by now ...... Yes, you've got it ,,,,,,,,, DON'T MAKE PLANS! Ann & Yok are both getting pretty smashed now and at this point I pay barfine for Ann for the next night (my last in Pattaya this trip). With hindsight, I suppose it was inevitable. I had seen this girl on numerous occasions during this trip (including one morning when she was sitting at the RG having breakfast with the previous nights customer) and she had been involved in our group nearly every night, but I had never really noticed her. (Martin, it is little things like this that make your bar such a special place. Ann had spent many hours in our company over three weeks and I cannot remember her ever asking for a drink or being pushy to any of the guys. I am sure that we included her in the rounds though as we enjoyed being generous to the girls, so hopefully we were not considered to be Cheap Charlies by her. The FLB is promoted as being hassle free and by and large we found that to really be the case.)
Anyhow, back to the dice game, we are still going strong and my checkbin is going mental. By 11:30, we say that we really have to go as we are both late for appointments at the Cherry Bar (Very late). My Checkbin is unbelievable. I have summarised it here for you to give an indication of what these girls can consume. Don't forget that Dave also had a large bill (I think his was about 4500 baht)
A few pics from my new camera of a plan going to ratshit
What Qty Item Price Total
Me
Heineken 3 95 285
Dave
Coffee 1 70 70
Ann
Spy 4 95 380
Tequila 4 100 400
Jagermeister 2 100 200
Blow Job 1 100 100
B52 2 100 200
Soda 2 95 190
Mad Melon 2 100 200
Fuck Me 1 100 100
Bar Fine 1 400 400
Yok
Tequila 1 100 100
J'meister 2 100 200
Blow Job 1 100 100
Ch Pussy 3 100 300
Kamikaze 1 100 100
Mad Melon 2 100 200
B52 1 100 100
Fuck Me 1 100 100
Girl 10(?)
Chawave 1 95 95
B52 1 100 100
Fuck Me 1 100 100
Mad Melon 1 100 100
Tai
Tequila 1 100 100
J'meister 3 100 300
Blow Job 1 100 100
Kamikaze 1 100 100
Mad Melon 2 100 200
Green Tea 1 95 95
Cranberry 1 95 95
B52 1 100 100
Fuck Me 1 100 100
Mouli
J'meister 3 100 300
Kamikaze 1 100 100
Mad Melon 2 100 200
B52 1 100 100
Fuck Me 1 100 100
Grand Total 6110 baht
So I had spent 6110 baht and I had drunk 3 Heinekens out of this total. Oh and I can claim that the Bar Fine is for personal 'consumption' as well. We were not 'Cheap Charlies’ this night.
I have no idea of the number of Heineken that I have consumed tonight because they were coming off Mamasan Tai's account. It was one weird bloody night so far. This was supposed to be the quiet part of the night. What was going to happen later?
We get the baht bus up to Soi 8 and make our way down to Cherry Bar. It's nearly midnight now, but that's still early evening for this place. So tonight I am going to get pissed with ...... Ah, let's see; that'll be Riam & Nui then tonight.
Ho hum.
The one thing that can be said for the Cherry Bar is that there is always a lot of merriment. The girls (and Nui) really put their heart and soul into it and it's infectious. How can anyone be miserable when the staff is so obviously 'going for it'?
And does this confuse a normal red blooded male?
I have no idea what time it was when we finally left the bar, but I do remember taking Riam in completely the wrong direction when trying to find my way to my new home. When she'd worked out where we were and where we needed to be, she decided that we were not walking any further. She grabbed a scooter taxi and we went back to the hotel three up on a Honda Wave going south on 2nd Road at something like 3 in the morning. Oh yeah, because of the extravagance of the drinking at the FLB, I had run out of money again and didn't hadn’t taken out enough to pay my checkbin (Same same ). I had about 2000 baht and the bill was around 3500 baht. A return to the bar required in the morning.
Again, it's a case of getting some sleep before even considering anything else.
South on 2nd Road three up on a Honda Wave with no crash helmet and I live to tell the tale
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