Trip 4 - Day 9

18th August

A goes out to get breakfast and returns with pork and rice (Kao Kamu?) as well as a selection of meat and vegetables that she's bought from the market. We then spend what remains of the morning rearranging the furniture in the room, but at the end of the exercise, there is very little difference in my opinion, but I'm told that it's much better. (???)

Then there's a trip down to the local 'Mom & Pop' shop (not 7/11 or Family Mart!) where we top up on bottled water, Coke and some eggs. (125 baht) as well as looking at the furniture shops for wardrobes as I still have a lot of stuff in my suitcase and A is not happy about this. (I guess it's a 'female' thing.)

Back to the room and now it's cleaning time. A starts on the laundry and gets quite angry when I laugh about still filling the machine with a hose! I say that I will get a longer hose so that the machine can be fixed to the tap in the bathroom, but she says that it is a waste of money and is "No ploblem; I can do." I do my 'bit' and she laughs telling me that "Man not do cleaning in Thailand".

After cleaning the room, it's time to clean the scooter and when I look out, there's a communal bike clean going on with three bikes being cleaned and whenever you get a few Thai girls together you can be assured that plates of food will soon arrive. Five minutes later I'm called to join the impromptu picnic that's taking place and it's home made fish balls with sweet dipping sauce. I'm not a great lover of fish normally, but I have resolved to try harder to fit in with A's diet rather than impose my own, so I partake and am pleasantly surprised to find that they are quite acceptable.

A then tells me that she's taking the lady from #2 off to the bus station as she is going home today in order to vote in the referendum tomorrow. She's cathing a VIP bus service (food, water & toilet on board) from the local bus station on Sukhumvit to Phitsanulok which is costing 428 baht for her and her baby. The journey will be around 9 hours and she'll be arriving at 01:00. She will then go to vote tomorrow and get a bus back to Pattaya arriving at around midnight. (Can anyone imagine this dedication to voting taking place in our own countries?).

Tonight is home cooking night rather than food being bought in from the food stalls. There's a fish that A has bought and she's insistent that I at least try to eat some of it, but I am mainly looking forward to the chicken panang that she is making. The curry paste is bought ready made at the market rather than being made at 'home', but is still made from fresh ingredients so is 'authentic'. (The main ingredients of the paste are chilli, galangal, shallot and garlic)

Heat coconut milk in a pot and just as it approaches the boil, add the curry paste and stir until the paste has integrated with the coconut milk to form a sauce. Add chicken, chopped eggplant (Makua), and kaffir leaves (Bai Makrut) and stir for 2 - 3 minutes.Add 300ml of water and a handful of sweet basil leaves (Bai Horopah) along with a tablespoon of sugar, a chicken stock cube and 3 tablespoon of fish sauce.Simmer for 20 minutes until chicken is fully cooked and serve with Thai Rice (Kao)

The food is really great and I enjoy it with a cold bottle of Chang and then we just settle down and watch some TV. (I find it surprising that most films can be worked out without any dialogue.)

Later in the evening, I send a text message to a few of the BM's that are meeting up in London tonight (Alleycat, Bryan, Deadman & Murgatroyd) and then get a call from Deadman saying that he hopes to back in Pattaya for New Year and then I'm talking with Alleycat who says that he's due in town next month and looks forward to meeting up. I also get texts from Bryan & Murgatroyd, so it's quite a strange feeling when I retire knowing that the night in London is just starting out. A asks who I've been talking to and as these are all people that she's met, there's no issue.

Spend for the day is

Supplies at shop : 125 baht
2 x Cornettos from ice cream bike : 50 baht

Trip 4 - Day 8

17th August

I awake and A I look across and see A fast asleep. She stirs and asks what the time is. I tell her that it's 10:15 and she tells me that she got home at 04:00 and has to be back at work for 12:00, so we have a little time to ourselves which is most welcome.

My stomach is feeling a little queasy this morning; I don't think it's the drink from last night, but I soon realise that I'm not going to be wandering about today as I need to be able to get to the loo quickly. I'm not overly concerned at this stage as I have had similar experiences in previous trips and I've usually been okay after a few hours.

I then realise that I've received a text message on my phone from Nok.
"What are you doing now"
So I replied :
"I am 'in room'. I will try to get to see you some time. Do you remember lady from Australia? She has a party at FLB on number 21."
Followed by an almost immediate response :
"Can you come to see me tonight?"

Rather than battling with texts, I called her and she asked if I'd gone to her bar last night. When I said that I had, she asked why as she had told me that she wouldn't be there. I said that many of us went and it was good fun and that the lady from Australia was there. She said that she remembered her and then asked me if I would take her to the party. I explained that I couldn't barfine or take her to the party as I was with someone, but that I would like to see her to say hello and see how she is.

Maybe I'm actually learning?

The rest of the day is spent doing nothing other than commuting between the sofa and the loo but at least things have settled down somewhat. I think it was a case of 'chilli overload', so maybe I'll back off on the overly spicy dips for now.

A returns home with the meal for tonight which is Pad Thai. This goes down well with a bottle of iced water.

Total expense for the day : 0 baht!!!

Trip 4 - Day 7

16th August

The early morning discussion today is to let me know that there should be a ship in today and so there may be the opportunity of late work for A tonight. She says that she won't take it as I'm here, but I tell her that she should do whatever she would have done if I weren't here. The extra money is useful for her and it's not a great problem as tonight is Thursday and it's the FLB Bar Crawl.

I'd decided before I arrived in Pattaya that this was to be my 'out alone' night each week, however I have made a slight revision to this 'plan' and have decided that for now I'll miss any Soi 6 / Ban Chang outings.

So it's left that A will call me later and if she is going to be working late, she'll phone and let me know. There's no cooked breakfast for me this morning, but to be honest I'd prefer not to have a big meal first thing. A mug of lemon tea is sufficient and then A is off to work.

I catch up on reading my e-mails and send a few back to England, but I need to reconfigure my outbound SMTP server and I cannot locate the setting for AIS. I find that I can use the Vodafone mail server to my surprise, however I'm getting a number of DNS timeouts and it takes an age to get the mails sent. Also it is impossible to use Messenger as it keeps disconnecting after just a few seconds.

Instead of battling against this problem, I set off on todays constitutional which is to Carrefour on Pattaya Klang for a spot of lunch.

The walk to Pattaya Klang is shorter than that to Pattaya Tai, so tonight I shall walk to the intersection of Klang & Sukhumvit and get a baht bus heading in the direction of the town centre. I have no idea what route they take from there, but as long as I use less than 5 buses to get to Walking Street, it'll be cheaper than using a scooter.

Once in Carrefour, first I buy a copy of Pattaya Today to look through the classifieds and see if there are any secondhand PC's or bicycles for sale. (There aren't!) Then I make my way to the food hall where I buy a 100 baht voucher and eventually choose to have grilled pork and rice along with a large Coke to wash it down. A grand total of 45 spent against my card and the food is good if basic.

After eating, I come out of Carrefour and realise that the humidity has risen and the sky is beginning to darken, so it's a quick march back to the room and I get back about 10 minutes before the wind picks up and the heaven's open.

I manage to get connected on the PC and send out the last of the mails before the connection simply 'dies' again which is somewhat frustrating but I have to accept that TiT.

My plan is to get some chicken from the stall at the end of the road and bring that back to the room to have with some rice 'washed down' with a bottle of Chang. I get to the end of the Soi, but the only chicken remaining is wings. She points me off in the direction of Noi's, so I set off to find another vendor. There's a place just before Noi's where I get chicken, rice and chilli sauce for 30 baht. On the walk back, I also stop to get some fruit. A pineapple and a hand of bananas sets me back another 40 baht.

At 19:20, I set out on my trek to FLB. As I start walking down Pattaya Klang, I keep an eye out for a bus, but there are none to be found until I reach the intersection with 2nd Road. A 10 baht bus ride later and I'm at the top of Walking Street. A short walk later, I'm in the FLB and signing my boardname on the whiteboard at just turned 20:00.

I order a draught beer and say hello to several of the BM's in attendance. Aussiechic, BadBoy, Bruiser, Scumbag, Casper UK & Hairloss. The voting takes place and it's a landslide victory for Soi 3,4,5 as I suspected.

There's a decision made to pay a visit to NLD1 first as it's the reopening night and there are free drinks on offer, but when we enter, the place is packed so that idea is forgotten about. We head off to Marine Plaza and get a couple of taxi buses to take us to our first stop which is the bar complex on the corner of Soi 5 & 2nd Road. Before setting off, I had sent a text to Nok (of Trip 1 'fame') asking if she still worked at Lucky Bar on Soi 3 and whilst en-route I get a text "Who are you tell me" and then a call where I'm asked what my name is and who I am. I explain and I'm not convinced that she remembers me, but it turns out that she does indeed still work at Lucky Bar, but she's not at work tonight.

We then arrive at our destination and we spread out through the various bars in the complex. Adam has the task of visiting each bar to get pictures taken. There are several good looking girls about and it's a pleasant way to start the crawl.

Next stop is a bar that I rate as one of the smartest in Pattaya. U Too ( http://www.u-too-bar.com/ ) is an open fronted beer bar which has been furnished to a high standard and the girls are extremely well presented. As myself and BM Scumbag make our way to the bar, we pass another bar where we see BM Dimples sitting having a drink and he tells us that he's off to the party at Heaven's Above tonight.

We enter U Too and head to the seating at the front of the bar and we are shown to seats by a service girl I remember from a crawl in February, however I still find it amusing seeing her name badge. "Oil Service"

I get chatting with a couple of BM's that shall not be named as their ftriends and families do not know that they are in Pattaya. The girls here are not pushy and it is necessary to make the first move if you wish to spend some time with one, but there is some very beautiful eye candy on display and with drinks prices similar to the local bar beers, this place really takes some beating.

It's soon time to move on again and this time it's another bar complex with five or six bars for the crawl members to spread out in. I end up with MM, Aussiechic & Badboy in the Sanuk Bar at the far end of the complex where I play the dice game with one of bar ladies. She wins twice during the time that we are playing and I've bought her a couple of LD's, so my checkbin here is 290 baht including the tip.

Time to move on yet again and this time it's to the bar complex situated at the 2nd Road end of Soi 3. We start in Atlantic Bar which I'm told used to be one of the busiest bars in Pattaya, but my last couple of visits suggest that its time may have passed and although there are a few pretty girls working, there is little 'atmosphere'.

After a short stay, we move to the other end of the complex and have a drink in The Cherry Bar (not the Soi 8 Cherry Bar). At this point the two 'anonymous BM's' come over and say their goodbyes as they have decided to return to U Too bar (and I can fully understand why :D). Hammer then announces that we are to visit one more bar complex and it's to be the one at the other end of Soi 3 containing Lucky Bar.

As we arrive, the owner recognises me and tells me that Nok is not working today and I tell her that I know as I have spoken to her on the phone She treats myself and Hammer to a tequila and the remaining members of the crawl have disbursed through the bar complex and from the looks of things, I strongly suspect that a few barfines were negotiated. There is all sorts going on and I am at a loss to understand the rules in operation during a pool game that I think involved BM hairloss at the bar next to Lucky Bar.

The crawl is now over and myself and Casper UK make our way to the end of the Soi to catch a bus back to town. As he has his motorbike parked just off Walking Street and he also lives on 'the Darkside', he kindly offers me a lift home and at just after 01:00 I am home. I call A to see how she is doing and she says that she will be home in a few hours. It's too long for me to wait and I just grab a quick shower and check the cost of the night before heading off for some much needed sleep.

Costs for the past two days have been :

Mains adapter from Big C : 99 baht
Can of Coke from Big C : 12 baht
Transcend USB stick : 250 baht
Newspaper : 25 baht
Carrefour Food Hall : 100 baht (only 45 baht used)
Evening meal : 70 baht
Baht Bus : 10 baht
Bar crawl costs : 790 baht

Trip 4 - Day 6

15th August

07:40 and A gets up. She showers and starts cooking, so I just assume that she eats before she leaves in the morning, but I am wrong and she's cooked for me. Fried chicken in a sweet oyster sauce with carrots and brocolli (At 08:00?!). At 08:30, she's off and I'm alone. I reflect on the discussion of last night and know that things really can't work if I am cheating on A, so that's one resolution that I shall have to remember when I am out 'alone'.

Another discussion from last night was about guys that had 'cocked up' when doing visa runs or getting new visas arranged; such as doing a visa run after the current visa has already expired or trying to obtain a 1 year visa renewal when there's less than 1 year remaining on the life of the current passport, so I decide to check that my papers are all in order and it's just as well I do, because immigration at the airport have made a mistake. My 'valid until' date is stamped as 8 September which is just 30 days and it should be for 90 days, yet in the 'Visa Class' entry the entry is correctly written as 'Non O'.

From what was said last night, I should be able to get this sorted out at the Immigration Office in Jomtein, however I was told that their English skills are not great, so I'll may need to go with A in attendance to get this matter resolved. If all else fails, it will simply mean having to do a 'visa run' at 30 days instead of 90 days.

The task for today is to obtain details for Kevin on prices and finance terms from the Toyota dealership on a new Vigo. Kevin has told me on Messenger that I need to turn left on Sukhumvit and it's somewhere around Tesco Lotus. It's a fairly long trek, but the exercise will do me good and I'm going to need to start walking a lot more rather than using scooter taxis as 110 baht return for a trip into town is going to start mounting up.

I decide that as I'm going past Big C and near to Tesco, I'll also investigate the prices of pushbikes in each store, as this may be more practical albeit more dangerous.

When I enter Big C, I meet BM Whitespider who's just heading into KFC for a spot of lunch. I decline the offer to join him, but agree to pop round and see him later in the week. As well as lunching, he's also been out hat buying in readiness for the Ska party at The Rockhouse http://www.rockhousepattaya.com tonight. He asks if I'll be going along and I let him know that it's one I'll be missing.

Both stores have a selection of 24" wheeled bikes for aroiund 2000 baht, but I'll need to check the length of the seatpost as I'll need it extended more than the average Thai I'd guess.

As for the Toyota dealer, I simply cannot find it even after continuing a further 200 yards or so past the Tesco store, so I reluctantly make the return journey and log on to Messenger to let Kevin know that I've not had any success. It turns out that the information I'd been provided was not correct and the dealer is actually located North of me (turn right on Sukhumvit) and it's a fair distance into the bargain. A few kilometres north of Naklua, so there is no way that I'm going to walk that.

In the evening, A returns from work and she's bought me a 1Gb USB Flash drive as I need a simple way to transfer files between machines. She's been given a good deal at work and has a 1Gb Transcend device which she has been charged 'staff rate' for of only 250 baht.

After eating, we simply settle down for a quiet night of watching TV and me reading for a couple of hours before turning in at a time that most Pattaya Addicts would be ashamed to admit to.

Trip 4 - Day 5

14th August

Off to the Tuesday market at Soi Buakaow to buy some new reading glasses and a couple of pairs of shorts for A No 'splashing out' with food at S&P this trip, we eat at one of the cafe places in the market and I have a fried pork dish with rice and a bottle of Coke. The cost for the two of us is 80 baht and then after wandering all round the market, A finds some shorts that she likes and two pairs cost 150 baht. I also get my new reading glasses and that's another 95 baht spent. We also fiill the scooter with fuel for 90 baht.

Later in the afternoon, BM CasperUK and his lady Wan come round and the girls disappear off to sit and chat with some of the neighbours, whilst I discuss the housing requirements for Kevin with him. It appears that he's also looking for new accomodation, so he's been looking for Kevin as well. He says that he found one really stunning place, but at 60k baht a month it was out of the price range for either him or Kevin. For those that might be interested it was at a development called C'est Palais ( http://www.thaithani.co.th/ ). We continue chatting and the time just flies by. It's now past 18:00, so we go and find the girls who are all sitting round eating and chatting.

CasperUK says that he'll go straight to Noi's for the curry night, however I'd decided not to go as A had said that she was going to cook tonight. It seems that this has slipped her mind though as she's eaten with the other girls and is now "Im". CasperUK says that it's no problem and the curry will be his treat, so we head off up the Soi .

The bar is already quite busy when we arrive, but we find seats and order up our first drinks. Several other BM's arrive for the curry including Mulphy, MM, Scumbag & Helicopter. After eating, we're sitting chatting when the girls suddenly arrive, so they grab a drink and then go inside to play pool.

Myself and CasperUK go to watch and it's actually quite entertaining as they are both lousy pool players. A few games pass and then we move to the lounge bar where the Nintendo Wii is hooked up to the projector big screen. The four of us play 10 pin bowling and I must admit that it's quite addictive and my competitive nature takes over, however I am gutted to lose to the girls in all three games that we played.

We finally settle up at around 01:00 and head back home. My checkbin is only 240 baht as CasperUK has paid for the curry (which included 1 free drink).

As we are getting ready for bed, A then says to me 'Why your friend think I no good for you?'. This has me somewhat confused and it takes some considerable effort to get at least part of the story out of her. It seems that when the girls have been talking, a few comments made by some of the Cherry Bar girls to CasperUK & Wan have been relayed to A. One story is that the gold bracelet (bought on Trip 3) that she is currently wearing is not the one I bought, but simply a trinket bought in the market as the original has been sold off.

Other stories are that she hasn't gone to work in a shop, but is simply working at another bar somewhere and that she has been seeing other 'customers', otherwise why would they be giving money as tip to her? (I'm pretty sure that it's not the case and I do know of a couple of the BM's that have given her money). I try my best to convince her that it's only jealousy on the part of the girls spreading the rumours, but she's not convinced that I believe her I think. She is also convinced that Adam (Hammer) also thinks she's like that as I know he's joked with her that the scooter and the gold would be sold as soon as I got on the plane.

It is quite scary how insecure the girls can be and also how bitchy they can be to one another behind the scenes. Other stories are told and I find it surprising the lies that they tell one another for what would appear to be no other reason than a simple 'my falang is better than your falang' scoring game.

We finally settle down and in the quiet dark night, I reflect on some of the things that we've talked about. A is back to work in the morning and I really need to snap out of 'holiday mode'. I've been out too much already and whilst I haven't been going mad on the spending, I haven't had a night in yet. This is party town and there's always something going on, but I need to be selective and decide which events I'm going to attend.

For me, the weekly Thursday night bar crawls have always been fun, so this will be my primary night out for the week, however I shall need to call time on the trips to Ban Chang & Soi 6 as I know that my resolve will weaken. I will also need to be honest with Avatar Girl and make it clear that I will only be able to see her to buy a few drinks and nothing more for now.

Trip 4 - Day 4

13th August

The morning is spent doing the laundry. The washing machine is an automatic, but because there is no tap within close distance, it is filled manually with a hosepipe. (WTF?) I say that I will get a longer hose, but am told that it's not necessary as "I can do. Is no ploblem". It really is bizarre the way that simple things are sometimes made deliberately difficult (TiT!).

Lunch is half a chicken which costs 49 baht (paid for by A), but the stall didn't have any cooked rice, so we prepare that at home. A then speaks with her boss and it seems that there is some paperwork that she needs to sign off, but if that is done, then she can have a days holiday tomorrow, so off she goes again.

Later I get a call from BM tlo asking if I fancy a beer, so of course I agree. It's arranged that I meet him at the bar that his GF works at (Pokemon Bar just off Soi 7) between 19:00 and 20:00, so I make the journey alone as A doesn't want to go out tonight. I walk down to Sukhumvit and catch a scooter taxi which costs 60 baht. The bar is deserted apart from the two of us and about 10 girls. I repay him the money that I borrowed from him in June and we chat and drink for a while. He has completed the probationary period for his job in Bangkok and now has a five year contract (and a pay rise), so everything is working out for him. He lives and works Monday to Friday in Bangkok and makes the trip down to Pattaya at weekends where he spends his time with his lady (Odet). He seems happy with his life and he looks very good on it.

Next stop on the agenda tonight is to go and say hello to BM Kolobos at his bar which is my 'local'; Noi's Bar on Soi Khao Noi. The reurn scooter taxi costs just 50 baht this time and I arrive to find the bar fairly busy. I'm invited to join the group sitting at the table outside which can be viewed on the online at http://noisbar.camstreams.com . The 'plan' was to just have a couple of beers and then make my way back home, but I'm bought a couple of beers and it's very comfortable just sitting outside, chatting and enjoying a few cold beers. I finally get home around 02:00 a little bit 'mau'.


Expenditure for the day

Sambuca for tlo, Odet & myself = 290
Beers at Noi's = 700
Scooter Taxi's = 110

Trip 4 - Day 3

12th August

We are awoken by A's phone ringing and it's Mama. She wants A to go and see her, but the invite is for family only it seems. A tells me that she isn't sure if she will go as I will be left on my own and she feels a little guilty about going off when she knows that I won't see much of her during the week as she will be working.

I tell her that it's Mothers Day and Mama will be upset and only Yak Yak her if she doesn't go. I also tell her that Phil will want to see his Mama as well, so not to worry about me and she must go.

Before leaving, she cooks up some rice and tells me that there is still food left from last night in the fridge, so I've got breakfast / lunch sorted out.
Once she has left I work on ensuring that I have the settings correct for my Internet connection. After reconfiguring the dial up properties, I make a connection and am pleased to find that it's more stable than yesterday.

At 12:30, I'm interrupted by Nam arriving home next door. She says that she has just finished work and has been working since 8 pm last night. (16.5 hours!)

Next I check whether I can now run Messenger and it is working, so I have a chat with Kevin online and I'm informed that there are a couple of potential rental places that he wants me to check out for him as he will be signing up for a new place when he comes over next month.

It's then time to start an investigation of the neighbourhood, so I set off on foot to see what's about. I head off deep into East Pattaya past Noi's bar and there's not much to see. A few 7/11 stores, a couple of restaurants and a variety of shops providing such things as curtain making, air con supply and a variety of light industrial metal fabrication outlets.

There are many housing estates as well. Rows and rows of identical houses which appear somewhat clinical, and advertised as being supplied with 'European Kitchen'. By the time I reach the Red Lion pub, I have determined that there is little of interest and I'm unlikely to use any of the outlets along here, so I return back to the room and continue on the dirt track that carries on past the entrance.

I eventually come out on a populated Soi which leads on to Sukhumvit 53. This is a main thoroughfare with market stalls and many business outlets and will warrant further investigation.

I then get a telephone call from BM LordFlash inviting us to his home for the evening. A barbecue; a few beers and watching the footie. BM Casper UK is there as well, so we watch Arsenal, Chelsea and Man U do their stuff and it's a pleasant way to spend the night.

Expenditure for the day

Weekly allowance for Mama = 1000 baht
Coke at 7/11 = 22 baht

Trip 4 - Day 2

11th August

To wake up in LoS with A still sleeping at my side is just great. The timing of my arrival was not the best though as this is the 'wrong' week for A, so I shall have to wait a while for the more intimate pleasures that I have been waiting for. It's not a real problem though, as I will have plenty of time this trip.

A is suffering a little this morning with a hangover and I realise that using the scooter last night was probably not such a good idea. In addition, the headlight 'blew' last night on the way back, so it was full beam only which drew attention to us as well.

There's no food in, so after showering and dressing, it's off to Big C where we splash out in the food hall and spend a total of 65 baht for food for the two of us. Chicken Panang and rice for breakfast? It's just great.

This is now the time for me to make good on my promise from the last trip that I would buy a gold ring for A and as I didn't purchase anything for her from duty free, I feel that I also owe her a present. (I had set aside a budget of 7000 baht (£100) for this), so we visit the gold shop and a ring is bought as well as a quarter baht gold chain (half half). A discount is negotiated for buying two items and it costs me 5000 baht.

We then go to the store to buy some basics including a couple of big bottles of Beer Chang at 35 baht each. A asks if I want to buy milk and I say that I will not bother. I'm planning to cut out on most dairy product during this trip in a bid to live a healthier lifestyle and keep cholesterol levels down.

Back to the room and I'm left on my own whilst A goes off to get the bike light sorted out. This gave me the opportunity to write up the TR, however I encounter communications problems and the link is not particularly stable. I finally manage to get an upload done and then have a quick chat with BM Shuggy on the Addicts shoutbox and he lets me know that he'll be in the FLB from around 21:30 with Gan. He kindly offers to buy me a few beers, so that's the plan for tonight then. A also met both of them back in February, so it should be okay with her.

Once A returns, I'm returned 500 baht from the 1000 baht that I'd given her to get the bike sotred, then it's a quick trip down the road for a haircut for me as I had decided that paying £8 (550 baht) in Stansted was just a waste compared to the price in LoS. 50 baht later, I'm feeling much cooler and looking more presentable. We return to the room and A cooks up a great meal and I decide that I'm going to have to learn how to cook some of these meals myself so that I can prepare the food sometimes.

After eating, A says that she's not feeling too well and doesn't really want to go out tonight, so I'm told that it's okay for me to go out 'alone' tonight. After SSS and A giving me a manicure, she drives me into town and drops me off at Tukcom so that I can withdraw some money to repay a debt to BM t.l.o. (Jim). as he has sent me a text saying that he'll meet me later at FLB.
As I wander along Pattaya Tai, the sounds and smells of the market assult the senses and the place just feels so familiar and friendly. I cross the road and walk past Secrets and on to Walking Street. I then remember that BM Rightsaid is having his birthday party at TQ2 tonight. It's just past 21:00, so I've got time to spend a little time there before seeing Shuggy and as I am not with A, there is no 'problem' if I see 'Avatar Girl'.

As I enter TQ2, the place is packed and it's a battle to get round to see Alf. As I say hello and wish him a great birthday, I am gently 'assualted' from behind. As I turn around, I given a big kiss by #30 and I realise that this is going to be a complication, but I fear that I may succumb at some point. I make my way round to the bar where it's a drink for me and a drink for Ann. We are chatting away for 15 - 20 minutes and she tells me that she has had people coming to the bar saying that they know who she is and asking if she knows George. I explain that I put the picture that I took of her on Walking Street on the Internet and check that she doesn't mind. It seems that all is okay, but it goes to show that even avatar pics are mentioned by BM's to the girls.

Ann goes off to change and returns in streetwear. I explain to her that I am living with a girlfriend, so seeing her might be somewhat difficult and she then drops the bombshell that she's currently working 14:00 - 21:00, so if I want, I could come and see her during the daytime, so I fear that my resolve will weaken and in the not too distant future.

I have a second drink (courtesy of the TQ2 privilege card) and buy a second drink for Ann. I am feeling far too comfortable and realise that I am playing with fire, so I spend some time chatting with other BM's (Father Mojo, Scumbag, Aussiechic, Badboy & Bruiser) before paying checkbin and saying my goodbyes to Rightsaid (and Ann).

Entering the FLB, I see Alice sitting at the bar and after a quick hello to her and Da from behind the bar, I make my way to the table to joing Shuggy & Gan. Whilst we're chatting, we're joined by the 'gang' from TQ2 and also BM Blacknight comes over to say hello. Shuggy is very generous and buys me a couple of beers before I start my own checkbin. We chat about his trip and some of the things he'd done including the purchase of an iPod from a BM that had 'overdone' it and had to sell stuff to pay for the rest of his trip.

We are then joined by the new 'green badger' and she looks just great in a long clingy red dress. It turns out that her mother is in hospital and she needs to make more money than working as service girl, so she has become a hostess. She'd told A the previous night that she's a little worried about the dancing competitions and she doesn't want to 'show' anything, so I guess we shall see what happens at Aussiechics party on the 21st.

Next thing I know, three girls arrive with a guy and sit at the next table. "Hello George" is called out and when I look, it's three girls that I know from Goanna Bar. I'm asked where A is and how is she, so I simply call her from my phone and hand it over to them to chat with her. Ten minutes later, I'm given my phone back and informed that she's feeling tired and has already gone to bed, however I am also told that she is very happy that I have returned.

After having another beer, it seems that a few are heading off to Covent Garden complex and others to Peppermint. I'm tempted to go along as well, but decide that a more sensible move is a return home. As we are all settling checkbins, Shuggy then informs the service girl that he is paying for me, so thanks again Shuggy; it's much appreciated my friend.

I get a scooter taxi home and that costs me a further 60 baht.


Spending for the day

Breakfast at Big C = 65 baht
Provisions at Big C = 450 baht
Gold = 5000 baht
Bike repair = 500 baht
Telephone card for A = 100 baht
Petrol = 100 baht
Haircut = 50 baht
Apple from Pattaya Tai market = 10 baht
TQ2 = 350 baht
FLB = 0 baht
Scooter Taxi = 60 baht
Total 6685 baht against a budget of 7000 + 1000 = 8000 baht

Trip 4 - Journey & Day 1

August 9 & 10 2007

An 04:00 departure on Thursday morning from the bed-sit in Stansted in order to catch the 04:40 coach to Heathrow where I had to make my way to the Diamond lounge in Terminal 3 arrivals in order to collect my ticket (£673 for a 1 year return on Air India, booked through Southall Travel).

Then it's a trek back to the departures hall to join the queue for check in. An hour later, I'm finally checked in and I've got rid of the 31.5kg of checked luggage which contains all the clothes that I own as well as other personal effects.(Southall Travel have a deal where their customers have a 32kg baggage allowance instead of the standard 20kg). Terminal 3 is a nightmare place with queues snaking around each other and many of the staff trying to direct passengers having English as their second or even third language.

Then it's time to join the queue for airport security. This is another nightmare and takes another hour to get to the x-ray machine where my shaving cream is confiscated and my nail clippers are deemed to be a weapon (WTF?). Having negotiated all this, there's then the queue for having your shoes scanned which takes anther 15 minutes before I'm finally 'airside'.

Off to the American Express counter to change my cash into Travellers Cheques as these can be replaced in the event of any problem during the trip. This takes another half an hour and by the time I'm finished, it's time to get straight to the gate for the flight.

The aircraft is late arriving from New York, so misses its departure slot at Heathrow and we're finally 'wheels up' at 10:20. I'm travelling this leg on a Boeing 747 which is certainly looking somewhat 'tired', however the cabin crew are very polite and quite efficient (unlike my Aeroflot experience on the last trip).

I'm not interested in watching the films on offer, so settle down to read the latest Harry Potter and manage to grab a few cat naps en route to our first stop at Delhi where there is a crew change and what passes for a cleaning of the aircraft. We are delayed waiting for two passengers to turn up and this stopover ends up taking just over two hours before we are on our way again. Next stop is Mumbai where I've got an hour and a half stopover before making the final leg of the journey to Bangkok. It has to be said that Mumbai airport is the pits. It's in the process of being redeveloped apparently, but there is nothing there and even the duty free shop has virtually nothing to sell and there are no bars either, so it's just a case of more sitting around and waiting for the next flight.

This leg is completed on an Airbus operated by Czech Airways on behalf of Air India. Once again, Air India are not particularly organised and we are kept waiting for 30 minutes beyond the stated departure time for no apparent reason. The flight is full and conditions are somewhat cramped for a 4 hour flight, but we eventually touchdown at Bangkok at 10:45 (40 minutes late) where I find that we have landed just behind a 747 from China along with a couple of other flights, so the queues to get through Passport Control are the worst I've encountered at Bangkok. It takes over an hour to get through, however eventually I make it to the head of the queue and I'm photographed and have my passport stamped.

I've finally made it into Thailand!

I collect my case and make my way into the arrivals hall. There's no Mr. Toom for me this time, as I've decided that 1200 baht is an unnecessary expense, so I make my way straight ahead out of the terminal and just in front of all the 'limousines' is the bus stop marked 'Shuttle Bus'. This is a free service to the airport bus terminal and the transfer takes about ten minutes. It's now 12:15 and I buy a ticket for the 13:00 bus to Pattaya which costs the grand total of 106 baht.

The bus is a comfortable air conditioned 40 seater and does the journey as quickly as a car with a journey time of 2 hours (heavy traffic on the highway through Sri Racha & Laem Chabang).

I alight at Pattaya Klang and there's a baht bus pulling up straight away when the driver spots me with the case. He wants 200 baht to take me to 'loom' which is over the top, but I am now far too tired to hassle over the rate and just want to get the journey finished, have a shower and get some fresh clothes on.

Ten minutes later, I've made it. It's 15:30, and I've been travelling for 29.5 hours. As I get into the room, I'm presented with a cup of coffee by my next door neighbour (Nam from Cherry Bar). It seems A has to go and do a couple of hours work, so she says she'll be back around 7 pm and then sets off on the scooter. I have a shower and a shave and get into some fresh clothes and feel much better. I then meet another neighbour; Pun (also from Cherry Bar and a previous LT barfine to boot) and we just chat about nothing in particular for 15 minutes or so.

I then sort out my laptop and get the AIS GPRS package working ( 100 hours access for 350 baht + 7% VAT ) and log on to the boards to see what's happening and where everyone is going to be later. Seems that there's an Addicts meet at Shooters at 21:30 for a couple of hours, so the plan is to eat, go to Cherry Bar to see Adam and the neighbours, then a trip to Shooters and end the night going to the FLB to see MM.

At 18:45, Pun knocks on the door and I'm handed Nam's little dog to look after until she returns home, so when A arrives 25 minutes later, I'm on the PC with a yappy dog jumping all over me. She goes to shower and change; Nam returns and takes her dog back and we set off to the buffet at Big C on Pattaya Tai. As we get there it starts to rain and all the covered tables are in use, so we make an adjustment to the 'plan' and decide to eat at MK instead. It's a little more expensive at 450 baht for the two of us, but it is my first night. After eating, we're off up 2nd Road to Soi 8 and Cherry Bar. We chat with Adam for a while and say hello to all the regular Cherry girls as well as meeting up and some big hugs for BMs Aussiechic & BadBoy.

The smile has returned and life feels good. Adam buys us a drink in to the bargain, so checkbin is a massive 150 baht!!!

Then it's back on the scooter and we're heading down Beach Road and on to Shooters in Soi Diamond. As we enter, the place is very quiet, so it would seem that the meet up has finished a little early. We sit at the bar for a drink where we are joined by BM Bruiser who also buys us both a drink. It's another 150 baht checkbin and then the three of us head off to my first Walking Street visit of this trip.

As we enter the FLB, there's a "Hello George" from one of the hostesses working at the door. I don't recognise her at first, but then realise who it is. Another red badger has gone green.

We walk through the bar and say hello to MM. At the same time, BM's Scumbag & TheDeportedOne arrive at the bar, so we all grab a table and settle down to chat and drink. I buy a couple of LDs for our new green badger as well as beers for A and myself. BM LordFlash arrives and there are more big hello celebrations. He also buys me a beer which is great. Checkbin at the end of the night is 715 baht when we settle up at 02:20 and then we head back to 'home'.

My first night in Pattaya has cost 1585 baht inclusive of tips and a couple of LD's. (Lady Drinks)As Monday is a holiday in Thailand because of the Queen's birthday tomorrow, A isn't working, so we are treating this first long weekend as a bit of a holiday and a settling in time, so there will be a few expenses that will not be regular events, but there is no room for major 'blowouts' this time.

All in All, it feels bloody great to be back and next week I need to get started on making sure that I can continue a little more comfortably!

Youtube - What a Lucky Man

Youtube - Lovely Women Dressed in White

Youtube - Dude Looks Like A Lady

Youtube - Lovely Women Dressed in Red

Youtube - Lovely Women Dressed in Black

Youtube - PattayaTai to Soi7

Youtube - Just a regular night out in Pattaya

Trip 1 - Day 25

Wednesday 15th November
The journey home

So, where was I. Oh yes, I am leaving my room at LK Metropole at just after 5 in the morning and I am gazing at the vision of Ann wearing nothing but a big white fluffy towel and a beautiful smile with her gorgeous silky hair around her shoulders and I really don't want to leave (I am stll working out if I can get access to money so that I can stay even longer). In fact I cannot move my legs until the door is closed and I can no longer see Ann. I had seen her so many times over the previous three weeks and just paid no real attention to her, but now? I don't want to be separated from her. "Shit!" I'm 'in lub' again!!!!


It's downstairs to reception where I pay for the taxi. "1500 baht sir. You no pay taxi any more. He pay highway" I tell them that I have a girlfriend staying in the room and she will leave by midday. "Is okay sir".

Five minutes later the taxi arrives and I set off on the departure from Pattaya. There are still people out on the streets just finishing the revelry from the previous night and I really want to join them for that last drink, but I really do have to go now.

Once we get on the highway, I doze on and off and cannot get the vision of Ann out of my head. (Maybe it's for the best that I am leaving now.). I awake with the sun up and the road signs indicating that we are close to the airport. It's about 6:45 now and I have time to spare. The driver asks if I want to stop somewhere before going to the airport, but I say it's okay I will just wait at the airport. My trip is all but completed now.

As we park up, the driver asks "You pay highway charge?" I say "No. Hotel say it is all included" "Okay" The driver unloads my case and takes it to the terminal entrance where there is a trolley. I then give him 100 baht tip as he has provided a good service. ( Mr. Samran Pumkaseam (Big) Tel 01-5889884).

I can find no signs as to where the Gulf Air check in desk is located so I have to walk all round the terminal. Sods law dictates that it is right at the end of the terminal, (The opposite end to the direction I initially set off in) but I am not concerned. I am in no rush at all. I pray that a Gulf Air representative will pull me to one side and ask me to volunteer to stay till the flight tomorrow as I was asked at Heathrow (I declined then as I was too excited to get to Pattaya), but no I am checked in all the way to Heathrow. I then pay my 500 baht Passenger Service Charge and head through to the departure lounge. I have a few baht left, so I buy some cigarettes for a friend at home and then I have a cup of coffee before making my way down to the departure gate.



Gate F6, you are the saddest sight I have seen for 25 days.



But wait, there is no plane at the gate. Maybe it's been cancelled and we will be forced to stay another day. No such luck; 30 minutes later the Airbus arrives at the gate ready to take me away from Thailand.



Then it's take off and I keep looking out of the window until I cannot see Thailand any more.









The trip is really over.

Trip 1 - Day 24

Tuesday 14th November

The last full day

Ah, "Good Morning. That was very nice!" As Riam goes off to shower, I am left in bed alone with my thoughts. This is it. The end of the trip. The last day. This time tomorrow I'll be on the plane to Muscat. I don't want to leave. What is there for me at home? Not a lot. Look at what I can have here....





Riam leaves saying that she going off running for a couple of hours now. This is the only girl that I've met in Pattaya that understands the use of legs as a means of propulsion. Everyone else looks shocked if you say that you've walked for anything for than about 100 yards.

I'm going to be back in January. It's only seven weeks away. I can survive.

Okay, let's get moving and get some stuff done. First thing to do is get some breakfast. I go to the Beefeater which is on this Soi, heading back towards 2nd Road. English breakfast and a pot of tea to get the day started.

Out of the other exit to the restaurant and straight in to the Internet cafe. It's more expensive than yesterday, but not too bad. I spend 1.5 hours on the board and send a PM to MM confirming that I will need to access the funds deposited with him for the party in January. Whilst I am online, I get a PM back saying that it will be no problem; I can collect the 12000 baht tonight. Great, I will be solvent yet again. I then get a bright idea! I will log on to Paypal and transfer additional funds to Martin in order that the party fund is maintained. What a good plan. (Duh!) I logon and try to pay $300 but of course the funds need to be transferred from my Bank first and the debit card has been cancelled so the request is refused. So next, I head off to Cherry Bar on Soi 8 to settle up last nights checkbin. When I get to the Bar, I am sweating profusely and I am given a free bottle of water. I ask if everyone is okay and Noi sort of shrugs.

Have I upset her by being with Riam? I don't know. I just don't know all the rules to the game that is being played out here. I settle my debt with the bar and I am now left with 65 baht in cash. That's it; nothing else left. So it's back to the hotel to have a nice hot soak in the bath and I do a bit of TR note writing. Then it's time to sort out what needs to be kept for the morning and what needs to be packed.

Next I write a note to Nok. I give my contact details and a personal note wishing her well for the future. I doubt that she will be in the FLB Bar tonight, but it would be nice to see her and at least say a proper goodbye.

It gets to 7 pm, so I leave the hotel for my last foray into Pattaya. Outside the hotel there are the motor scooter taxis, so I think "Why not?" Cost from the hotel to the junction of Soi 16 and Walking Street will be 50 baht. Okay, let's go. Bloody scary it was, but it was another 'first'.

I walk up to the exchange bureau, as I had also found £40 in sterling in a fleece which I hadn't worn since Heathrow. This gets me just under 2800 baht, so I don't feel financially naked now. Back to FLB and sign in on the whiteboard as being a 'last nighter'. Mamasan Tai greets me as I sit at the bar and asks if I am okay. I am fine I reply. She tells me that Ann will be along in about 5 minutes. That's okay, there's no rush. She also tells me that Nok is not at work again today. I give her the note that I had written and ask if she will pass it on to Nok when she returns. She says that she will do so.

Sparkydave is sitting with Yok, but he doesn't look too happy. He's not! He has had a load of paperwork from his work delivered to his hotel and he needs to spend most of the night working. He has just come out to let Yok know that she is 'free' tonight. He has given her a tip he says as the fault is his, not hers. Ann appears and she looks delicious in a lovely black dress.



I explain to Ann that as it is my last night, I need to go to Cherry Bar later for one hour to say goodbye to Hammer and some of the staff at the bar later. I will go at 9:30, so that would be a good time for her to go and eat. Mamasan Tai ensures that the message is fully understood.

We start playing the dice game at the bar, but tonight drinks are only going to be bought by me for the winner. Mamasan Tai then comes over to me and drapes a flower garland around my neck, gives me a hug and wishes me good luck and a safe journey home. Oh dear, I feel a highly emotional night coming up. Now that I am wearing the garland, I am a target for hugs and kisses from all the hostesses and service staff. I have been sticking to the orange juice tonight, but at 8:30 Mamasan buys me a Heineken and tells me to drink. Next thing I know, Joy has turned up at the bar, so we move away from the bar to the now familiar table opposite. Joy then presents me with a second flower garland. This is all feeling a bit strange now. I do not know if I am supposed to respond in any special way.

Joy also tells me that Nok has telephoned her to say that she has gone home for a few days as her father is not well (?).

MM arrives in the bar and checks that everything is okay and hands me the 12000 baht that I'd previously paid for the party in January. I feel a bit of a heel having paid for the party for Nok and now taking the funds back. I let him know that I will go ahead with the party on January 5 and I will send him funds via Paypal once I return to England.

It's now 9:15, so it's checkbin time for the first time in FLB tonight. A very sober 2370 baht this time with the drinks slip comprising 11 Orange Juices, 2 M-150's and a coffee. Mind you Tai had also had 3 Tequilas and Ann had finished off with 3 Chocolate Pussy's. I had also had a few bottles of Heineken that had been bought for me by Ricky, Martin & Mamasan Tai, so I wasn't exactly sober (Now isn't that a surprise?).

It's off on the baht bus for my last trip to Cherry Bar and Soi 8.



I feel a bit of a fool walking down the Soi alone and wearing the flower garlands. I am assured that I am a 'hansum' and 'sexy' man by many of the girls in the bars that I pass. But I am on a mission. I have to say my goodbyes and return to FLB. I do not intend to be too late getting back there. (A Plan that I stuck to - TaDa!)

As I climb the step up to the Bar, I am greeted very warmly by the staff and I'm led to a seat. I buy a round of drinks for the girls behind the bar and I am suddenly joined by Riam for a bit of special attention. I get the Heineken snog and as one hand grabs my crotch she grins wickedly at me and simply says "Good Morning". I laugh and say "Maybe January". Next thing I know, I am being lightly punched on the arm by someone. It's Pun.



She says that she was waiting at the bar on number 13 and I did not arrive. (The crazy dice game at FLB) I explain that I will return in January and am suddenly asked when. "My birthday" she squeals. I burst out laughing and just say "Oh yes?". (It seems that it's going to be everyone’s birthday when I return.). But she gets out her ID card and shows it to me. Bloody hell, it will be her birthday in January! (I have forgotten which date, but I have no doubt that I will be reminded). "When you come my birthday January, we boom boom no charge okay?" "We shall see". I buy her a drink. Well I guess I did stand her up last night and I have just been given a date for a 'free' shag, so it would be downright rude not to.

It's time to leave now, so it's checkbin and I then give Riam 2 1000 baht notes. 1 for her and I ask her to give one to Noi. This gets me a big hug and more "You have good luck and good journey. You good man" and she gets one of the other girls to go and find Noi (She's off eating somewhere apparently). When Noi appears, Riam hands her over the 1000 baht note in full view of the other girls and says something to her. Noi then comes over and wraps her arms round my neck, kisses me and also wishes me good luck. There is a big cheer from the other girls in the bar and I feel quite embarrassed now. I get up and go and shake the hand of Hammer. He has been a great host and has introduced me to some wonderful bars (with wonderful girls) and just been an all round 'nice guy'. He says that he is sorry about the theft incident and hopes that I won't blame the bar. I assure him that I won't be doing that and I should have been more careful. (It will be interesting to see if the gay guy does continue to work party nights at the Bar though. I shall keep an eye on the pictures from now on.)

So that's it. The last departure from Cherry Bar takes a while as I am forced (?) to give final goodbye kisses to Riam, Noi, Joy (Cherry) and a special quick snog with Nui. (My god (s)he really is very sexy!) (And a sly 100 baht tip for Nui; Shh it's a secret).

The walk to Beach Road seems longer than usual, but I am assured that I am still 'hansum' and 'sexy'. Maybe these garlands are just a badge that announces 'Many baht in pocket tonight. Willing to spend lots'. On to the baht bus and the now so familiar trip to Walking Street.



The place really seems to be buzzing tonight, but maybe it's just me. It's a really emotional night, and I shed a few tears as I walk down the middle of the road taking in the sights, sounds and smells of this truly unique city.







(Oops! – Sack that signwriter)

It's 11 o'clock as I enter the FLB for the very last time and I am a little bit sad. Ann gives me a hug and asks "You okay". "Yes I very happy, but I go home tomorrow”. I am led over to the table and it’s a pretty good view. I have my personal harem waiting for me.







Right, I have baht for the taxi and the exit tax safely stored in the hotel so what I have in my pocket is available for spending. I transfer 2000 baht to a back pocket for the tip for Ann in the morning and I still have several thousand baht, so it's drinks all round for the girls.

There is then a little ceremony that takes place with Joy cashing in all her ladydrink receipts and then handing over her green badge to Mamasan Tai as she’s quitting working at the bar tonight and is returning home until Kevin returns.

We continue drinking and laughing for a while longer and I even try and get Mamasan Tai back for a threesome as she is now wearing 'green badge'.





Not a chance of that though. I take a few photos around the bar.


(Da - If only she came fitted with a volume control!)


(The Band - It's an experience!)

Then it's the final checkbin of this whole crazy experience of a holiday. More hugs and kisses and promises to return and good luck wishes and it really is time to leave and Ann leads me off into the Pattaya night.







We get to the hotel and Ann goes to shower first. After 10 minutes she appears with her teeth chattering . She is absolutely frozen. (I do not understand why TGs always shower ‘cool’). I wrap her in big fluffy white towels and go to shower myself however I also turn on the hot water tap! When I walk into the room, Ann is still shivering, so I cuddle up to her and pull the second duvet over the two of us, turn the lights off and I fall sleep. (I know, I know.)

After an hour, I awake though because two duvets on the bed is far too much to be comfortable. Ann is asleep, but I cannot resist stroking her soft skin and silky hair. She wakes up and kisses me. A bomb going of in the room next door would not move me from my position right now.

After I have 'finit’, we just cuddle up and then the phone rings. No, this cannot be happening, it can't be time to leave. I answer the call and hear the terrible news that it is 04:45 and this is my alarm call. NOOOOO!, I don't want to go home! I want to stay here just like this forever! I cannot though, so I get up, SSS and pack the last of my bits into my case. I tell Ann that there is shampoo and stuff in the bathroom that she can take if it's of any use and she just smiles. 05:00 is more a 'go to bed time' than a 'get up time' for these TGs I guess. She looks half awake and is sitting up in bed with a duvet wrapped round her and I just want to get back into that bed now. Another hug is in order though, but I realise that I have to move now or it'll never happen. I close the case, zip up the rucksack and turn to say goodbye. Ann is out of bed with just a towel wrapped around her (They all look so sexy like that don't they?) and I have to stop for another kiss. I really do have to go now. I open the room door and step out into the corridor. A final look back at Ann standing in the doorway wearing nothing but that towel and I want to stay. I give her a final peck on the cheek and tell her to close the door and go back to sleep. She does not need to leave until midday and I will let reception know that she is still there. The door closes, my legs can now move again.

This report technically went over into Day 25, but in Pattaya, 05:00 doesn't really exist so I have treated it as 29:00 on Day 24.

For you newbies who haven't yet been to Pattaya, time is nothing but the passing of the hands round a clock face. It has very little meaning or use here whatsoever.

Oh Pattaya, you are now my mistress I fear. I shouldn't have fallen for you, but I could not help myself. You will be the cause of much heartache for me from now on I predict, yet I go willingly on the journey as a lamb being led to the slaughter. I love you so 'velly mut'!

That's all folks.

There will be a final trip to the airport, getting on the plane, bursting out crying and thoughts on the trip, but it's just a final roundup.

Maybe I had a doppelganger and he was doing all the stupid stuff?

Nah, it was me !!!!!

Trip 1 - Day 23

Monday 13th November
And then there was 1

The phone is ringing. It's reception and they want to know if I'm checking out. "Er, yes I am" It's 11:30, and I need to get out of this place, so no time for any fun this morning. A quick shower and it's time to settle up with Riam. I really must get into the habit of getting this shit sorted out in advance. I don't know what to pay, so I give her 3000 baht for the two nights. "Okay?" "I go man 2000 baht; honest". I really cannot complain. I didn't pay her the first night because I'd had my wallet stolen and she had really given it her all to get some performance out of me. I gave her an additional 1000 baht and then realised she'd been with me 2 days, so I just blurted out "You want to stay at 'nice hotel' tonight?" and get back a straightforward "I stay with you tonight. Okay"

She disappears off and I pack up all the stuff in the room. There is a bag of Noks clothes here and a whole selection of her creams and stuff. I bag it all up and I will take it down to FLB tonight. Checkout consists of a 15 baht charge for the phone call that I'd made to the dentist.

I stupidly decide to walk from the Twin Palms to LK Metropole and it's further than I thought, but I get there eventually. I check in and go to have a shower straight away. Then it's time to go and eat. I turn left out of the hotel and there is a whole new area of Pattaya that I haven't seen before. This is Soi Buakhao north of the market area. I find an English Pub Restaurant called The Butchers Arms and have the Full English with a pot of tea. Lovely!

I still have some time before I need to get to the hospital, so I find a dingy Internet cafe where they are advertising 512Kb ADSL at 40 baht an hour. This is the cheapest that I have found and the benefit is that at that speed, I can check out the forums and check on pics quite easily. (Guys a golden rule here - Sign out whenever you finish accessing any service that requires you to log in)

I spend 40 minutes or so getting up to date with the goings on of other BMs and then it's time to go to the dentist. I pop a couple of the Vallium and get a taxi bus for 100 baht. At the hospital, I go up to the first floor and turn to go into the clinic when I realise that it is closed. There are workmen inside pulling up the floor. Oh shit, what is going on?

A girl comes up to me and tells me "Clinic now in new building across road." I have no idea where this new building is and I obviously look confused because she then says "I take you to clinic. You have appointment?" I give her my appointment card and she says "I speak you yesterday. I sorry your money stolen". My reputation for idiocy goes before me everywhere in this city.

The new building is about 50 feet away from this building and I am taken to the clinic and fifteen minutes later I am sitting in the chair ready to undergo the next round of treatment. Today it is 7 small fillings and holes being repaired. I ask how much it will be and am shown a calculator with 5250 on it. "Is okay" I say and settle back in the chair.

All the work is done at a gentle pace and I am completely at ease. Thanks Dr. Watchawong, I will be back in January for more work. It's all part of the process to make me a really 'hansum man'.

I get a taxi from the hospital to LK Metropole, but the cab driver doesn't even understand the Thai instructions on the hotel card, so he ends up dropping me off somewhere in the LK complex. As I get out of the cab, I realise that I am standing directly underneath a sign that says LK Metropole - 800m. (I really wish that I had a camera then.)

So I know that it's a half mile walk to the hotel and I know which direction, so as I've got plenty of time, I stroll down the road. I go past a pawn shop and then stop and wonder if that would be a good place to get a cheap camera. I find that they have 4 or 5 different cameras for sale. The first one that I look at, they cannot get to work, so I am not going to risk that. Next, I look at a Samsung Digimax A40. 4 MP and it looks okay. I am not a great photographer, but I do want to get lots of snaps to remember this holiday, so I test the camera and it seems to work. They are asking 3900 baht which is perfectly acceptable to me, but there is only 128Mb memory card installed. As I will not have an opportunity to download until I get home, I do not want to find myself out of space. I ask for "bigger memory" and the chap behind the counter rummages around and finds a 512Mb card. I put this in the camera and it works, so we are getting there. Next I get two rechargeable batteries thrown in and a carrying case and amazingly I find the manual in a pile of books on the end of the counter. How much I ask pointing at a pile of bits.

"4500 baht"
"No way. Too much. I give you 4250"
"4400 baht"
"No 4250 baht" And I count out 4250 baht onto the counter
"Okay"

I now have a camera again.

Back to the hotel for a hot soak in the bath before getting ready for an early start to the night. Only two nights left now and Riam is on for tonight and it might even be a threesome with Pun if her promise from two nights ago about being free on number 13 was followed through. It could be interesting.

At 7:00, I set off from the hotel and walk down to Beach Road to get a baht bus. This is the furthest I've been away from the baht bus run and it's a bit of a pain. Crossing 2nd Road can also be an experience in itself. A good T-shirt logo would be "I crossed 2nd Road Pattaya and survived" (Maybe I'll have one printed up in January)

I look rather fetching carrying my little shopping bag with pink hearts printed all over it. The bag contains bras, pants, shoes and various lotions and potions that all belong to Nok. I will take them to FLB tonight and if she's not there, I will give the bag to someone I know to pass on to her.

l get to FLB at about 7:30 and it's fairly quiet. I sit at the bar with Sparkydave and I have a Heineken. He is on the coffee, so we look like a real pair of hardened drinkers (not). We spend the next 20 minutes chatting about nothing in particular and he has nothing specific planned for tonight other than ending up at Cherry Bar as it's close to his hotel.

So it's 7:30 or thereabouts, we are both sober and we make a plan for the night. (Duh! DON'T MAKE PLANS) The plan is to have another hour at FLB, then head over to Lennie's (still on my to-do list)
for an hour and then on to Cherry bar for about 10. It's a simple plan. It's a good plan. It's a plan! Plans in Pattaya are guaranteed to fail and this one was no different.

Nok has not turned up for work and I am not really surprised, but I recognise Ann and I know that she gets on well with Nok. I ask her if she can put the bag in the Staff Room for Nok. No problem, she disappears off and then returns to the bar and sits next to me. I offer her a drink and she has one of those wine cooler ladydrinks (Spy). Next, out comes the dice game. This brings Yok to Sparkydaves side and the four of us take turns trying to win this simple but bloody infuriating game.

I finally win one and on my very next go, I win again. I think you should buy a round of drinks for that says Dave. Okay say I. I already have a fresh Heineken in front of me, so I get Dave another coffee and its Tequilas for Ann, Yok and Mamasan Tai who has been joining in the dice game when she is free. We continue playing and I think Yok is the next winner so Dave buys a round of drinks. We are now effectively two teams of two with Mamasan Tai and Mouulie joining in whenever they can. The next to win is me again. Mamasan Tai buys me a Heineken and I buy a round of Jagermeister for the girls. This is getting silly. The rules are as follows:

If Dave or Yok win, Dave buys a round of drinks (Girls drinks to be shooters); If George or Ann win, Mamasan Tai buys George a Heineken (I can't remember how Dave got drinks) and George buys a round of shooters. If a Mamasan wins then the round of shooters is alternately paid for by George and Dave. This got completely out of order really quickly and at one point each girl had 3 shooters lined up in front of her. There were trays crashing on the floor around us, squeals every time anybody won and general fun. A visit to Lennie's was scratched from the plan. Modification 1; we stay at FLB until 10 and then go to Cherry Bar. It's still a bloody plan and as I hope everyone knows by now ...... Yes, you've got it ,,,,,,,,, DON'T MAKE PLANS! Ann & Yok are both getting pretty smashed now and at this point I pay barfine for Ann for the next night (my last in Pattaya this trip). With hindsight, I suppose it was inevitable. I had seen this girl on numerous occasions during this trip (including one morning when she was sitting at the RG having breakfast with the previous nights customer) and she had been involved in our group nearly every night, but I had never really noticed her. (Martin, it is little things like this that make your bar such a special place. Ann had spent many hours in our company over three weeks and I cannot remember her ever asking for a drink or being pushy to any of the guys. I am sure that we included her in the rounds though as we enjoyed being generous to the girls, so hopefully we were not considered to be Cheap Charlies by her. The FLB is promoted as being hassle free and by and large we found that to really be the case.)

Anyhow, back to the dice game, we are still going strong and my checkbin is going mental. By 11:30, we say that we really have to go as we are both late for appointments at the Cherry Bar (Very late). My Checkbin is unbelievable. I have summarised it here for you to give an indication of what these girls can consume. Don't forget that Dave also had a large bill (I think his was about 4500 baht)

A few pics from my new camera of a plan going to ratshit







What Qty Item Price Total

Me
Heineken 3 95 285

Dave
Coffee 1 70 70

Ann
Spy 4 95 380
Tequila 4 100 400
Jagermeister 2 100 200
Blow Job 1 100 100
B52 2 100 200
Soda 2 95 190
Mad Melon 2 100 200
Fuck Me 1 100 100
Bar Fine 1 400 400

Yok
Tequila 1 100 100
J'meister 2 100 200
Blow Job 1 100 100
Ch Pussy 3 100 300
Kamikaze 1 100 100
Mad Melon 2 100 200
B52 1 100 100
Fuck Me 1 100 100

Girl 10(?)
Chawave 1 95 95
B52 1 100 100
Fuck Me 1 100 100
Mad Melon 1 100 100

Tai
Tequila 1 100 100
J'meister 3 100 300
Blow Job 1 100 100
Kamikaze 1 100 100
Mad Melon 2 100 200
Green Tea 1 95 95
Cranberry 1 95 95
B52 1 100 100
Fuck Me 1 100 100

Mouli
J'meister 3 100 300
Kamikaze 1 100 100
Mad Melon 2 100 200
B52 1 100 100
Fuck Me 1 100 100

Grand Total 6110 baht

So I had spent 6110 baht and I had drunk 3 Heinekens out of this total. Oh and I can claim that the Bar Fine is for personal 'consumption' as well. We were not 'Cheap Charlies’ this night.

I have no idea of the number of Heineken that I have consumed tonight because they were coming off Mamasan Tai's account. It was one weird bloody night so far. This was supposed to be the quiet part of the night. What was going to happen later?

We get the baht bus up to Soi 8 and make our way down to Cherry Bar. It's nearly midnight now, but that's still early evening for this place. So tonight I am going to get pissed with ...... Ah, let's see; that'll be Riam & Nui then tonight.

Ho hum.



The one thing that can be said for the Cherry Bar is that there is always a lot of merriment. The girls (and Nui) really put their heart and soul into it and it's infectious. How can anyone be miserable when the staff is so obviously 'going for it'?





And does this confuse a normal red blooded male?



I have no idea what time it was when we finally left the bar, but I do remember taking Riam in completely the wrong direction when trying to find my way to my new home. When she'd worked out where we were and where we needed to be, she decided that we were not walking any further. She grabbed a scooter taxi and we went back to the hotel three up on a Honda Wave going south on 2nd Road at something like 3 in the morning. Oh yeah, because of the extravagance of the drinking at the FLB, I had run out of money again and didn't hadn’t taken out enough to pay my checkbin (Same same ). I had about 2000 baht and the bill was around 3500 baht. A return to the bar required in the morning.

Again, it's a case of getting some sleep before even considering anything else.

South on 2nd Road three up on a Honda Wave with no crash helmet and I live to tell the tale

Trip 1 - Day 22

Sunday 12th November
The hunt for cash & Kevins last night

It's Sunday morning. Oh what a night. Who's this? Oh yeah the smiling one from the Cherry Bar. (At this point in time I really did not know her name, I was only able to assume it started with the letter R because of the necklace that she was wearing. How rude of me considering what I've done and am about to do again)

As she dresses, I let her know that I'll be along to the Bar later to pay last nights checkbin and barfine and check that she is okay to be BF'd again tonight. "Yes, is okay".

She leaves around 11:15 and I phone Kevins room. He asks if I had a good night, as I had looked pretty out of it when he'd seen me the night before. "Oh yes! I had a great night. I got totally shitfaced, I barfined the bird that does the arm wrestling and Thai boxing and she is coming back tonight as well. Any idea what her name is? No? Oh well. Went to a club where she danced for me and I have had a great morning so far. Oh yeah and I had my wallet stolen along with my phone and your camera"

After SSS, it's down to reception to meet Kevin & Joy. We go off for breakfast and I'm asked for more detail about the previous night. I explain that Riam told me this morning that some of the girls actually saw the gay guy put the telephone and camera into his pockets, but I guess that they are not my guardian angels and he is a Thai bloke, so they didn't say anything. (Guys, beware! - The only person that will keep an eye out for your stuff is you!) (I shall let Hammer know of course, but I guess everything has been pawned by now and the chances of getting anything back is remote) Anyhow, I've had an evenings drinking, a Barfine and a bird all on tick (What a city!)

Kevin says that the money shouldn't be a big problem; he'll get some out of the bank or draw some on his Barclaycard so that I'll have enough to last the next few days. We check the telephone number for Barclaycard on the back of his card and I use his mobile to get in touch and report my card as stolen. (Why is the number on the card? If it's stolen, you can't look up the number!) I eventually get through after the "Your call is important to us .... Please hold the line". If I am that bloody important, why do you leave me hanging on the line for 15 minutes phoning from Thailand on someone else's mobile phone? (What a bunch of wankers!)

Anyhow, I get the card cancelled and then ask how I go about getting some money transferred out to me urgently. I have 30 baht to my name. I owe about 3500 checkbin to the Cherry Bar, 200 baht for barfine to the Cherry Bar, Between 1500 - 2000 to Riam for tip, I have to pay for my second night accommodation at LK Metropole of 2500 baht, I need to get a taxi to the airport which will be 1200 - 1500 baht and I need the exit fee of 500 baht. In addition, I need to eat, drink and play for the next three nights. So that is 7700 baht plus money for three days that will be another 20000 baht or so if I take things it a bit steadier than I have so far. So I need to get around 30000 baht in total. Barclays tell me that the Customer Services department would not be open until 07:00 GMT which is 14:00 Pattaya time.

We travel up to Big C to find a Bank where Kevin can draw some money to lend to me, but they are a just some sort of regional bank and do not offer this service. Apparently you just go to one of the change places that shows the Visa sign and they can do it. When he tries to do this, he is refused because the bank has declined the transaction. He gets on the phone to Abbey and they are shut until 07:00 GMT . Same same!

We go and sit in a bar on Beach Road (Big Ben) and have a couple of soft drinks until 14:00 comes around. I phone Barclays and get put through to some guy in a call centre in India. As it takes him three attempts to get my name spelt correctly, I have a horrible feeling that this is not going to provide any solution. He asks where I am and when I tell him Pattaya, Thailand he tells me to hold. He asks if I am in the Pattaya hotel in Bangkok. I explain that I am in a resort called Pattaya which is a one and a half hour drive from Bangkok. He puts me on hold again and when he returns he tells me that Barclays have no branches in Thailand. I tell him that I do not care about that, I just want to get some money transferred from my account so that I can live for the next few days. "We cannot help" he says. He advises me to contact a friend in the UK and get them to send money over by Western Union. The only person that I can think of that has money and that I know the number of is my ex wife. You can just picture the conversation…

"Hi, I'm in a bit of fix, my wallet has been stolen and I need someone to send me some money in order that I can pay for my mongering holiday in Pattaya. Can you help? No? Okay; not to worry; I'm sorry to have troubled you early on a Sunday morning. By the way, how are the kids?" I don't think so.

Kevin then contacts Abbey and his card has been put on hold by the fraud team as he had told them he was returning on the 6th. They lift the block and this allows him to draw 20000 baht. He does the same on Barclaycard and checks how much he needs for his last night. A top up of 5000 will do him, so he lends me a total of 35000 baht (I already owe him 20000 baht as well for my half of the hotel bill at the RG). I am solvent again and can afford to pay for Riam tonight as well now

We go back to the hotel and I telephone the dental clinic to apologise for missing my appointment. Based on what I paid on my last visit, I estimate the fillings are going to cost another 6500 baht, so I decide to reschedule and if necessary have a couple of really quiet nights (Yeah right - What a stupid fucking plan that one is).

Kevin rings my room and says that I'd better come down to his room and copy all the pictures from his laptop onto my MP4 player otherwise it will be months before I can get access to them all. Now that IS important, so I go down to his room and get this extremely important task done.

It has gone 4 by now and we both wonder what time the laundry gets delivered back. Kev telephones reception to ask. He then puts the phone down and starts laughing out loud. "When do you reckon?" he asks me. "Soon?" I respond. "Yep!" This place can be so predictable at times.

I go back to my room to SSS and by 5:30 we are ready to hit the town one last time. As we get to reception, the laundry arrives. So we both pay our bills for that and take it back to our rooms. I have a quick change, so that I am 'hansum man' again tonight. It's off on the baht bus to Walking Street and after the usual Kilkenny's meal it's into the FLB Bar for the last time this trip for Kevin.



When Martin arrives, he asks about our day and he seems to be surprised that I appear to have gone completely 'off the rails', but I just laugh it off and tell him that it was 'one of those things' After it had happened, there was nothing I could do and it was my own fault in the first place. He reminds me that he is still holding 12000 baht for the party on January 5 and if I need any additional money, there is no problem with returning that to me. I thank him for the offer and let him know that I'll be in touch if it's required.

We move over to a table and start our last communal checkbin, but hey what is going on? We are already at 7000 baht and we've only had two drinks each. Kevin has paid BF for Joy for the next 17 nights which takes her to the end of the month. She is stopping working and is to return to her home until January when Kevin is going to rent himself a condo for 6 months and she will be able to live there rent free. (This from the guy that had been giving me constant grief about getting too attached.) I let him know that I may be a mate, but I am not springing for half that checkbin! He just laughs and says "It's okay George, this one is all mine" (Does he mean the checkbin?; Joy?; or both?)

I leave the love birds in FLB and head off to Cherry Bar to pay for last nights entertainment. The checkbin is just over 3000 baht, so I settle up and start tonights bin. In goes the BF slip for two nights, so it's another session with Riam tonight. Kev & Joy turned up at some point, but I was too engrossed with Riam to pay much attention. I told Hammer what I had been told about the barman and left it with him to see if anything could be salvaged. I explained that the wallet wasn't important, except for the UK sim card that was in it. The camera did not really matter either, but the telephone had a load of numbers stored on it that I didn't have backed up anywhere (This included Noks number). He said that he'd see what he could do.

Kevin then announces that he's off to the hotel for an early night and he'll see me in January. I tell him to give me a call and I'll see him away from the hotel in the morning. He says he will do that (He doesn't of course; the departure was a tad emotional I believe and it was private between him and Joy.)

If you see the guy on the right of this picture, give him a kiss from me, but if you see the guy on the left of this picture, be very careful and keep an eye on all your property. I cannot prove that it was him that stole my stuff, but why would two BGs from Cherry Bar both say that they saw him put my phone and camera in his pocket if it wasn't true.



Anyhow onto more pleasant matters. I had a great drinking and snogging session with Riam and she walked me back to my hotel. I know that I'm too drunk, but do manage a ‘quickie’ when I awake in the middle of the night. She really is good fun!









Another emotional night in the adults playground city of Pattaya - Aren't they all?